the boyfriends that i never had

my ipod is like the boyfriend that i never had
he's faithful (wah, it's a HE) as he's with me all the time through thick and thin
and he understand me (which is rare, based on my extreme mood swings)
he plays sad songs when i'm sad
he plays upbeat songs when im in my study mode
he makes me laugh by showing me videos of friends, flight of the conchords and whose line is it anyway
he plays angry songs when i'm mad
and he always know how to keep me company: by playing my favourites: john mayer or the beatles
and when im walking alone in the dark, he plays the verses from holy quran for me so that i wont be scared
smart aye?

but now
after 2 years of spending almost every single minute together (much to the annoyance of my friends)
he's finally bids me goodbye
i guess he's upset because i keep ignoring him recently
well i have my cheeky brothers and sisiter to keep me company for now,

so i dont really need him to amuse me
i was thinking of giving him some time to rest
but apparently he's not used to having a break
abandoned by me
huhu
ok
well that's just an exxaggeration
i dont know whats wrong with him but he' not functioning well right now
and all i have to do is send him to the nearest apple store
but given that i live in the magical forest of kuantan
of course there's no apple store here
*sigh*
i will fix him someday
or else i'll die man
seriously


eversince he left me
i went back to my ex
the tiny sony portable radio
and guess what
though he's old and not as fancy and as flashy as mr ipod
he's still working pretty well
and he's been with me back in the good old days of boarding school where i'm not allowed to any kind of entertainment but i brought him to school anyway
and hide him in my socks whenever we had spotchecks
guess you never know
what's right for you
you might like something because it appears to be fancier
but perhaps the less fancy ones is more faithful to you
and the right one for you

oh what kind of crap is this
guess im just upset that my ipod's broken
but hanging out with my mini radio definitely brings back memories

the weight issue

ok let's face it
all female will have something to say about their weight at least once in their life time (and that's what we call a miracle. only once in a lifetime?? get real)
and if you're unlucky, you will meet some of them who practically couldnt finish a sentence without commenting on their/ yours/someone else's weight
"oh I dh gemuk la"
"look at my thunder thighs!!"
"i look like i'm 7 months pregnant"
"perut ak buncit dowh"

"ko cm dh tembam ar"
bla di bla di bla

look
though the weight issue is deemed as one of the sensitive issue ( u know, never ask a woman about her age, and weight)
but oh wow, they do like to talk about it dont they?

among the first things that my friends(and family members) ask me is my non existence love life and yup, wheteher i've gained/lost some weight

i absolutely loathes anyone who has petite little figure and complains that she's fat.
shut up paris hilton
you're not FAT (maybe you will after i put a curse on you)

sheesh girls
seriously
i was never skinny
and i will never be
it's a pity though
when you're a kid, lets say around 4-6
people absolutely adores plump, chubby kids
they called those kids "cute" "adorable" "healthy"
but not anymore when you're in your 20s and look like you've given birth to 3 kids

i used to not to care about my weight
i mean
i'm happy with my curves (yes. statement ala2 kim kardashian)
but it hurts when the people that you thought won't mind about your shape keep on picking about how you look like
i'm happy the way i am
i'm not overweight
so shush

i know that i'm piling up on weights now

that's intentional

i come home to eat my heart out

haha

the thing is,

as i've said before

i was never skinny

and never will be

so why bother?

i'm happy the way i am

but don't get me started on finding clothes at retail stores

they're ridiculous!

ah! to be young and free again!!

so yeah,
i'm home
home, where the heart is.
here, in kuantan.
though it's pouring heavily over here,
after 2 years abroad, there's no place i'd rather be than home.

when i'm home
it's like i'm 15 again.
except that when i'm 15, my lil sis wasnt even born yet and my grandma doesnt live here. (so everything's waaaayyy better now)

being the 15 year old that i am:
i can wake up late (and not feel guilty about it ;P)
i dont have to cook ( heck, i dont even bothered to be in the kitchen)
i just pretend that i dont have a driver's license so that they can drive me around.haha
good food is always available.
clothes are magically cleaned.
i dont have to spend a single cent on anything (which is a HUGE relief)
and the best part is i can just goof around with my annoying but oh so adorable lil brothers and sis all the time
(yes suhail, that includes you)
just a few days before, we spent hours singing barney songs at the dining table during lunchtime.
yes, that barney.
the purple dinasour with green spots.
good times.

and man, it seems that i never grow up
right now, the favourite thing that would come out of my mouth is "___, are you a goat?"
i even have the guts to ask my mum if she's a goat.
apparently, my brothers are a cow and a camel and my sister is an elephant.
cmon guys, goats are freaking awesome!

ah, it feels so good and so right to be home

oh yeah,
when you behave like a 15 year old, u get treated like a 15 year old
mum still ordered me around and scold me like a child
oh well, i asked for it :P

the third wheel

instead of going straight back home to malaysia
we've decided to have a trip to australia instead and head back home from melbourne.
so i've spend 12 days in Gold Coast, Sydney and Melbourne.
which was awesome.
australia was hot and exciting.
well, more exciting than new zealand (like duh)
but there's no place i rather study in than the windy wellington.
new zealand is such a beautiful country.
enough said.

the trip consisted of the 6 of us: 2 pairs of lovebirds and 2 fantastic, incredibly awesome girls (that's us dear aten :p)
though i have aten as my "partner", i still regarded myself as "the third wheel" during the whole trip.
lemme tell you something
being the third wheel can be boring and lonely at times
there are times when you feel like such a loser for being awesomely single

according to this month's issue of cleo (whoa, a very reliable source aye)

"hanging of a guy's arm is regarded as a sign that you're desirable and worthwhile"

but most of the times, boy, am I glad that I'm not tied down to anyone
being in relationship costs you money (esp if you're the guy. tsk2)
and time.
and requires lotsa patience (which, lets face it, I have none)

and yeah,
i dont need a boyfriend to carry my bags,
i can just ask yours to carry mine (who can't resist to help a damsel in distress? lol)
thanks dely ;P (ak xtaula kalu ko sumpah seranah ak ke dlm hati tp thanks a lot babe. and yeah, thanks to erin too. haha)


oh well
girls,
stop thinking that you need a guy to complete you.
being single can be the best time of your life if you adopt the right attitude(ayat cleo)

fin.

p/s- i actually hate this post. makes me sound so shallow. oh well. perhaps i am shallow.

welcome home

6.30 am- LCCT malaysia woohoo!!
first stop: the public toilet
wet, muddy floor
toilet bowl with urine still in it
no toilet papers
pads, tampons and tissues all over the floor

yup.
i'm definitely at the right place/
welcome home

in repair

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there










*in John Mayer -craze mode*

dirgahayu oh tanah airku

lately ni, the girls around me slalu ckp psl org2 negeri2 tertentu
contoh: xnk org negeri X sebab pemalas, org negeri Y pengotor, org negeri Z x lawa etc etc

uiiii
dulu berkira pasal kaum
ni dh sama kaum kira ikut negeri pule
1malaysia kunun
ak pun tahaaaaaaaan je telinga kn dgr korg sindir2 org2 negeri yg ak bsangkut paut
cet
saba jela

tp really,
how far is this stereotype true anyway?
how relevant is it now?

take me for example,
i was born in Terengganu,
live there in Kertih until i'm 8
and then i moved to Johor until I'm 14
and up until now I live in Kuantan (ok, i admit i have trouble saying I live in Pahang. sheesh. there's something about saying you're from Pahang.idk)
so when people ask me, "asal mana?"
what do you mean by that?
so i was born in Terengganu, my mum from tganu tp tobat x reti ckp tganu. paham yes. ckp, bunyi sgt fake ok. and I live there until standard 2 je. i dont think it's fair for me to admit that i'm from tganu.
there's nothing wrong with tganu ok.
kampungku di sane though dh xde sape dh di sane.
oh rindunye nk makan nasi dagang n kepok lekor!
so kalu org ckp pape2 buruk psl tganu, ak sentap ok..haha

n nk ckp i org johor sgtlah x
tp i grew up in johor. kt ctu i leaned a lot of stuff .
8-14 years old, time tu u tgh develop, nk blaja bfikir sume
tp i have no relatives watsoever from there
so no. bukn org johor
but johor meant a lot to me

n i dont want to say i org pahang
no relatives there
n i really live there like from form3-form 5 je
after that dh x duk umah
if u ask me jln2 kt kuantan pun idk
i tau jln nk g skola , g megamall n teluk cempedak je
lol


my point is
x sume org stay kt satu negeri tu dr kecik smpai ble2
i think my generation dh ramai yg nomad kot
parents asyik pindah2
so bila u pindah2
ur views changed
ur perspectives, behaviour etc sume tu ade influence from the places that you'e been to
so for me,
i dont think it's fair to judge someone based on "negeri" dia
really, which negeri u nk judge?
negeri lahir or negeri die menetap sekarang?

for me,
the most important thing is the family
the upbringing
x kesahla kalu mak dia org negeri A and the dad from negeri B.
people changed
their views and actions are shaped by many other factors
education for example
not just the place of birth

so yeah,
i'm glad that i'm one of those nomad people
i dont favour this state more than the other
where my family is that's the place i call home

dari pening2 pikir si dia tu org mane
baek consider agama dia mcmane ;P

kata 1malaysia
semua negeri pun same jugelah
but everyone is different

sgt malas nk exam ni.
sigh.
i wanna go home
back to kuantan

so long. farewell. goodbye.

today's my last day at the workplace
i have to stop working to prepare myself for the exam (yeah rite) n then go back to Malaysia after two loooongggg years.
back home, where the heart (aka my lil sis) is.
i'm so relieved that i dont have to work anymore.
so now i have more time for myself.
but i'm also extremely sad to leave the kids behind.
yeah, they're a bunch of noisy, naughty, silly little monsters
but that's what makes them...kids.
no matter how rude or how troublesome they are,
when they hugged you at the end of the day..
that's all that matters.
when they waved at you in the middle of the street or when they stopped by to hug you and smile at you,
you feel..
appreciated.
loved (ok. maybe not)
but yeah,
it's fulfilling.
the job doesnt pay much
and travelling to and from the workplace consumed A LOT of time
and money (for the busfare)
but I would definitely say that among the jobs that I've done (there's 7 of them in total).
this is by far, the best job I've ever had.
and i'm sure gonna miss them a lot.

but not as much as i miss this girl:

my lil sis is no longer lil.booooo

here's something that I wish to share from my experience
for future reference (in case you're gonnna be a parent in the future):
-always pick up your kids early from school. they dont like to be the last one to leave. it's ok to be late every once in a while.not everyday.
-listen to the kids. they have the right to be heard. sometimes, you learn more from the kids than you did from anyone else.
-support them to think and be independent. don't spoon fed them. how do you know that they won't be able to do something if you don't let them try and learn by themselves? you'll be surprised how creative these kids are. even the small ones!
-everyone is different. and different approach is needed for different kids. if your firstborn can read by the age of 3 but the second one doesnt, that doesnt mean that the latter is stupid, you just need a different approach to help he/she to learn.
-be patient. extremely patient.
-always answer their questions. dont just blew them off. even simple questions like "what is she doing outside?". don't say"it's none of your business"(even if it is none of their business). when they asked questions, that means that they want to learn. kids are curious little creatures, give them the necessary information. encourage them to ask more questions , more inquisitive.
-play with them. no matter how busy you are. spend some time with them. they need attention as much as you do. they also have feelings, just like you.

simple stuff.
stuff that you already knew
but believe me, those things are hard to do.


i hope i'm able to work there again next year :)

p/s-goodbye cohort 4. will miss you guys!

beer with me

Yeast, apparently the kiwi accent has been rated the most attractive and prestigious form of English outside the UK in a BBC survey.

Respondents from throughout the UK completed an online survey rating the prestige and social attractiveness of 34 different English accents.

The kiwi "fush and chups" came seven places ahead of Australia's "sex and Seedney" - and nine ahead of the American accent in terms of attractiveness.

for full story, click here

funny ay?

p/s- thanks to kak shark for sharing the link!

usrah minggu lepas: al-hilmi (pun unintended)

ye rakan2 yg memahami (yg xphm, xpyh tny)
gelak dulu puas2
haha

lately ni, well,
kalu refer to my previous posts (oh dh delete aye?)
byk entry yg sgt emo
ye, ak mmg emo pn
(ske aumm2 bab kate yuyu ;p)
tp that doesnt mean that i like to stay that way
korang suke ke org emo?
x kn.
knp org emo?
sbb die kurg al-hilmi.

ape tu al-hilmi?
al-hilmi ialah......

i. Bahasa, iaitu

1. Tenang ketika marah atau menghadapi sesuatu yang tidak disukai. Sedangkan dia mampu untuk marah dan ada kuasa.

2. Tenang dan mendisiplin diri.

3. Akal (rasional). Terdapat dalam al-Quran:

Adakah mereka disuruh oleh akal fikiran mereka melempar­kan tuduhan-tuduhan yang sedemikian itu. (at-Tur: 32)

ii. Al-Halim, Salah Satu Nama Allah

1. Al-Khoththobi berkata: Al-Halim (kata nama @ sifat bagi perkataan al-Hilmi) bermaksud, Yang mempunyai sifat pema'af dan tenang. Tidak digiat atau digugat oleh kema­rahan. Tidak pula dapat diperbodoh oleh kebodohan orang yang bodoh dan tindakan derhaka orang yang der­haka. Yang tenang, iaitu yang tidak gopoh menghukum. Akan tetapi Dia menjadikan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu itu ukuran tertentu dan ia tunduk kepadanya.

2. Al-Ghazali menambah: Al-Halim bermaksud, Yang tidak dihinggapi rasa marah dan tidak didorong oleh sikap gopoh dan tiada pertimbangan untuk cepat membalas dendam. Sedangkan Dia benar-benar mampu berbuat demikian (membalas dendam).

Dan kalaulah Allah mengirakan kesalahan manusia serta terus menyeksa mereka disebabkan amal-amal jahat yang mereka telah kerjakan, tentulah Dia tidak mem­biarkan tinggal di muka bumi sesuatu makhluk yang bergerak. (Fathir: 45)

- cuba bayangkan, kalau Allah swt tidak bersifat tenang dan pemaaf, kita semua ni yang banyak berdosa ni dah lama dimusnahkan kot. Takutkan?

iii. Sifat Al-Hilmi Pada Manusia

Sifat al-hilmi yang ada pada manusia menunjukkan kesem­purnaan dan penguasaan akal. Ia juga menun­jukkan kekuatan marah mengalah dan tunduk kepada arahan akal.

-kiranya x mengikut nafsu la tapi bertindak berdasarkan akal.kawalan nafsu yg mantap!

ingatkan nk rephrase balik ayat2 ni tp tbe2 malas la pule
knp pentingnya sifat al-Hilmi ni?
rasanya xperlula nk explain berjela2 sbb semua org pn bole fikir kn, knapa perlunya sifat sabar n tenang ni.

tapi kan..
ape tanda2 sifat al-hilmi ni?

1. Bersabar menghadapi gangguan orang-orang yang jahil dan tidak berdendam.

2. Menghormati pandangan orang yang tidak sependapat dengan kita.

3. Berusaha melihat aspek positif yang terdapat dalam pandangan yang tidak selari dengan pandangannya dan mengambil faedah daripadanya.

4. Kurang perbalahan dan pertelingkahan.

5. Dikasihi dan dihormati.

6. Mengaku kesalahan yang dilakukan dan berlaku adil terhadap diri.

tapi tu la kan,
kite ni,
perasaan berubah2.
kdg2 cool, kdg2 rasa cm nk cungkil2 biji mata org pun ade kn,
so ape nk buat bila rasa mcm nk emo, marah, aumm2??

Apakah Tindakan ketika Marah?

1. Berlindung kepada Allah daripada syaitan terkutuk.

2. Jika anda berdiri, duduk. Jika anda duduk, hendaklah ba-ring atau baring menelentang.

3. Tinggalkan tempat itu, jika anda belum merasa tenang.

4. Pergi dan berwuduk.

5. Lakukan solat dua raka'at dan panjangkan sujud.

6. Perbanyakkan do'a yang ma`tsur. Iaitu "Ya Allah, ya Tuhan kami, Tuhan nabi Muhammad s.a.w.. Ampunkan dosaku, hilangkan kemarahan hatiku dan peliharalah aku daripada kesesatan fitnah.”(cantik kan ayat dia?)

ye rakan2.
itulah al-hilmi
kalu nk suami penyabar
mungkin kne cari yg bernama hilmi kot? (pun intended)
or maybe not
haha

ok the point is,
kita haruslah tenang dan sabar ketika marah, walaupun kita sebenarnya berhak untuk rasa marah.
gunakan akal yang rasional, xpayah nk kalut2.
ingat ye, "sabar itu adalah pada permulaan".
so first reaction kita adalah sabar yeh.
tapi sabar pun berpada2.
jgnlah sampai kita ditindas or sampai kita diperbodohkan yeh.
berbaliklah semula kepada menggunakan akal yg rasional itu :)

selamat beramal!

a breath of fresh air

talking to someone outside your circle of friends is indeed amazing.
sometimes, that is (not all the time. depending on who you're talking to really)

the thing with hanging out with the same group of friends is,
eventually, you guys are so used to each other, and you know almost everything about each other, you ran out of topics to talk about.
interesting topics, i mean.
on top of that, since we always hang out together,
we tend to act, behave and think alike.
don't get me wrong,
i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for the world,
but sometimes,
having the same conversation,
doing the same activities,
posing for pictures the same way,
going to the same place over and over again can get pretty tedious.

you know what makes life more exciting?
well, it's the same old cliche:
trying something different,
challenges blablabla

but i guess it's true.
yesterday, i went to work at another branch of my after school care company in wadestown (i work in newlands).
since there's only 3 kids left, i get to talk with the other guy who work there.
we talk about work mostly and his ideas and visions simply just blew me away.
he's so passionate and and enthusiastic about his job that i feel embarrassed of my own attitude towards my job.
and his view on life is amazingly positive.
i won't go into details of our conversation,
but
talking to other people certainly allows you to explore different point of view.
fresh perspectives.
new ideas.
widen your horizon.
exciting.
spiced up ur life al lil bit.
that sorta thing.
suddenly you realized that there's a whole new world.
and you kinda appreciate your differences as well.
but most importantly, it gets you to THINK.
which i seem to have neglected recently.
poor brain of mine :(

and yeah, well you don't just agree with everyone.
sometimes, you end up meeting a person who has very different views.
that will lead to a debate (again, it depends on the person and topic).
a healthy one that is.
which is better coz then you started to think and justify your beliefs or things that you seem to take for granted.

the point is,
meeting someone else every once in a while is refreshing.
but having someone that you love and comfortable with by your side all the time is priceless :)


p/s: new people= interesting=exciting= might also be a formula for an affair.
well that's one of the excuse from people who has a mistress or something like that.
i'm just saying ;P

sell the fish

selfish.
how do you define selfish action?
how do you justify your actions really?
how do you determine which one is for selfish reasons and which isn't?

loyalty.
how do you show that you are loyal to someone?
in case you didn't know,
actions speak louder than words

trust.
there's no one u can trust now
not even yourself
have faith in Allah
He's always there for u

care.
it's hard to stop caring
even when it hurts
how stupid are we
to care more than we should

minority.
discrimination.
friendship.
through thick n thin.
illusion.

i know
this sound so stupid
it doesnt rhyme or anything
i'm feeling so blaaahhhh right now
i dont care
its my freakin blog and i can write whatever i like
i prolly delete this entry nway
so yeah

apparently, being considerate of others is such a hard thing to do
and you never know how insignificant u are in the eyes of others
the world does not revolves around me, i know that too well by now.

anyhoo
selamat hari raya
maaf zahir batin
thanks heaps to those who come to my open house today
it was fun
and thanks to those who voted (or forced to vote? ) for me
this event definitely make me feel so close to my housemates.
finally.
sadly, it's a bit too late.
oh well
tough luck

aku, kau dan dia

bukan psl cinta tiga segi ok

after TE and after returning back to work (if I havent mentioned it before, I now work as an after school care supervisor. I look after 20+ kids in a primary school from 3-6pm almost everyday. the job doesnt pay much coz the bus fare is riddiculously expensive but the experience and opportunity given is priceless) I've realized what make us (the Asians in general) and them (the West) so different.

obviously our culture is different but the most important thing is, in our culture, we RESPECT each other, especially the elders notably our parents and teachers.
we even respect our "seniors"who might be just slightly older than us, that is why we have the terms like "abang", "kakak", "senpai","sunbae" "noona", "oppa" etc.
respect in terms of age, status etc
when you respect someone, it shows in your attitude and behaviour.
right?

while on TE, i've heard many comments on the kids-how they behave really badly, how hard it is to control them, and most importantly how disrespectful they are to the teacher. I witnessed those behaviour myself.
When I return back to work after 2 week break for TE,i was astounded to find the kids at my workplace to behave really awful. They become a lot worst than before. They didnt listen to a single word the staff said, heck, they even mocked us back.

there's a big difference on behaving like a child (as in behavng like lil adorable monsters) and being disrespectful. and for me, they are being disrespectful. you know, like those kids in Supernanny.

now now, why do u think such spoiled rotten brats in Supernanny exists?
It may have to do something to do with the culture.
You see, they dont believe that smacking the children is the right thing to do. It's considered as abusive mind you. Violent to be exact. So in their eyes, my harmless parents are violent creatures coz they smacked us if we did something wrong (e.g- pernah ditampar oleh emak kerana mulut celupar sgt -__-" )
and you're not supposed to raise your voice to them.lemak bukan? (if the kids screamed at the parents, harus bsabar jela. kamu berani nk jerit kt mak kamu?)
or asking your ill-behaved student to stand on the chair during lesson is definitely a big no-no.
so instead of taking any physical action, they deal with their kids using reason.
ok, i must admit that reasoning is a good way to teach your kids.
besides highlighting that their action is wrong, you also get the kids to think and understand why their behaviour is unacceptable.
but then again,
kids are kids.
they dont really listen (do u expect a 5 year old with short attention span to really pay attention?)
and they dont remember.
they need structure.
they need something else more firm.
they need to see the effect of their actions.
i dont entirely agree that punishment is the solution to everything.
of course not.
the first step should be reasoning.
punishing the children without explaining the reason behind the action is just plain stupid.
you're mentally abusing the child as well coz he/she might think that you might hate them and that's why they're being punished (ok, i read too much books)
but if reasoning doesnt work, then u can get physical.
ala, jentik je sudahla.
as a reminder not to repeat it anymore.
(ah, my dad sergah sikit je pn dh tobat xnk wat lg ;P )

but here,
where respecting the elders are not important,
and the children were given too much rights,
controlling them proves to be a problem.
kurang ajar org melayu ckp
even my workmate, a chinese malaysian lady complained that it's hard to control the kids coz takde budi bahasa. xde sopan santun.
yeah i know, sopan sgt kah kite ni pun?
berbudi bahasa sgt ke?
tapi one thing for sure, seurban mane pn kamu,
seblond mane pn rambut kamu,
tp if ur an Asian,
kamu pasti akan respect org yg lebih tua dari kamu

i must admit,
this is a broad generalisation. it doesnt applies to everyone.
and you can say that i'm actually biased to my own culture.
ok then, this is just my personal point of view.

those kids are driving me nuts! i was thinking of quitting th job, but when they come and give me a hug or say that the highlight of their day is when they get to meet me after school, you know how your mere existence matters to them..

p/s- ma, dlu ma slalu ckp time kakak tgh degil (of course i'm no angel myself =P) "tunggula bile dh ade anak sndiri, bru paham mcmane mama rase". i dont think i have to have my own children to understand what u mean ma xD

akibat off task

click click
lelaki comel yang pandai menari
lirik lagu yg extra cheesy
yg menyebabkn ak giggle n squeal cm school girls
membencikan.
~sigh~

best lesson ever!

Nerve-wrecking
tear jerking
blood sweating
sleep depriving
exhausting
T.E

(I pretend not to notice the spelling error)

in the end, that what makes all the difference.

unfair expectations

it's hard not to take it personally,
when its my personality that you're attacking.

it's hard to be professional,
when i just started learning to be one.

it's hard not to fall down and crumble,
when i'm expecting you to back me up.

it's hard to stay positive,
when you're overwhelmed by the negatives.

it's hard to be inclusive,
when you yourself,didn't understand our differences.

it's hard to see the truth,
when you're sugarcoating everything.

it's hard not to say it's hard,
when you are being unreasonably unfair.

it's hard not to cry,
when it really hurts.

menjadi seorang guru adalah sangat memenatkan sampai earthquake pun x sedar

for more information on the earthquake, you can go here or here

my first week of TE is well, tiring
left the house at 7, arrived home around 5
after tarawikh, immediately pengsan
but then again, we have to teach pule
so after tarawikh kne la bace2 resource and wat lesson plan
fuh
penat
sangat penat sampai x sedar langsung ade earthquake
okla, rasenye terbangun juge around dat time (ingatkn dh time sahur) tp ble tgk jam cm awal lg so sambung tdo balik
without noticing anything
so the next day bile pegi skola, everyone was talking about the quake
and i was like whaaaaaaaattt? there's an earthquake last night? i didnt feel a thing!
and they said that the quake is pretty strong this time
utk mnyedapkn hati,
ak pn ckp dlm hati, oh,maybe area2 cni je kot yg rase
haha
yeah rite, bile balik umah
sume housemate ku ckp diorg rase
n sume gelakkn tahap tdo mati ak yg melampau(the quake was felt strongly throughout the wellington area ok)
haha
oh well, xpela, korg ckp cm scary pn kn
seb baek la ak dilindungi dr perasaan cemas itu (yela tu..kalu betul2 dhsyat, ko tgh atas katil ye cik sha,bukn tdo bwh meja :P)

hahaha
sape ckp jd cikgu rilek je meh cni ak cungkil biji mata
penat woo
dan merbahaya rupenye (yela, ade earthquake pn x sdar. x ke bahaya tu? haha)

and then yesterday was my 1st time to teach the whole class
and during my lesson..
mmg tgh nervous abis la
sbb tibe2 baru sdar article yg difotostat tu x sempurna, diorg x bole bace coz byk gkla missing words
tgh glabah2 nk wat ape ek..
skali fire alarm pule berbunyi
cikgu tu pn dh pelik, coz ni bukn fire drill
maka bertempiaran la mereka menyelamatkn diri
"wah, saved by the bell!!"getus ak dlm hati
rase sungguh gembira
krn lesson td mcm dh ala2 disaster la kn
tp malangnye,
tiada kebakaran(isk,adeke mtk skola terbakar? isk3)
maka, pengajaran harus diteruskan!
haha
tp in a way, bgus gkla lesson terinterrupted jap
bolela wat self-reflection jap and change my instructions jap

fuh
that's the end of week 1
will talk more on the school system, the students, attitudes and behaviour later
for now, i want to enjoy my weekend to the max!!! (duit mara dh msuk!! wheee~)

AYUH BANTU PALESTIN!!!!

am not ready yet.

In less than 10 hours from now (if you trust my arithmatic skills :P),
I will finally going to experience what it's like to be a teacher in Aotearoa.

urgh, teaching experience.
why now?
oh, ujian bulan Ramadhan.
but of course, if not now then when?
sooner or later i have to endure this right?
right?right?
RIGHT.

after visiting my associate teacher last friday, I've realised that there's a lot of things that I didnt know about the school system here.
and i do mean A LOT.
my teacher keepS on rambling about the teacher's duties, syndicates, days, activities blablabla which i have absolutely no idae what she's talking about.
too bad i didnt pay much attention during TEAP.
but i doubt that they explained the system thoroughly during the lessons anyway.

oh God, I am absolutely anxious right now.
I dont think I can sleep well tonight but I need to!!
I have to get off to school by 7am tomorrw and won't be leaving the school until 3pm.
waaaaaaaayyyyyyy busier than uni days.
urgh.
there goes my holidays.
adieu my 2 weeks spring break~
hopefully it's going to be a meaningful one.
(of course it's going to be meaningful,i am being graded for this. sigh.wpun x baik mengeluh.SIGH)

oh well, wish me luck!!
I am definitely going to enjoy this opportunity to the MAX!! (i have to, i have to, i have to, ihave to, but i wish i could just laze around at home for 2 weeks.huhu)
Evans Bay Intermediate School, here I come~~

p/s-about the assignment. i didnt understand how, but somehow i managed to complete it on time. oh well, 3 cheers for me for handing in the assignment on time.!!!this should be the last reminder for me not to procrastinate ever again(uhuh. yeah rite. u said it all d time S ;p)

i wont ask for an extension if i dont really need one

i really
dont like
sosc 111
the class is too big
the subject is quite hard
too much information at one time
the lecture notes on blackboard are not helping at all
my coursemates are not friendly
the lecturers are dull
and it's at 9am
oh well
at least not 8

and i am soo mad that the fact that they wont grant me an extension
i have 2 tests this week and on the same day of the due date
what did you expect?
i tried to complete the assignment earlier but what did you expect?
the tutorial to discuss this assignment was just last week.
i couldnt even understand the question before the tutorial.
there's only few readings i can do at one time.

sangat x suke ok.
and bile x suke, i always just shut down.
trus x nk wat assignmnet.
haha
silly?
i know.
but i really dont care.

jahiliyyah kite

knp
bila diajak buat kebaikan,
pnylah liat nk join.
bermcm2 alasan la diberi.
tp,
kalau ditegur ape yg dirasekn kurg betul,
wahh
bukn main mengelabah nk tegakkn "kebenaran".
bertungkus lumus nk justify ur actions.
utk sape ur justification tu?
society?
The One who created you?
or sbb nk sdapkn diri sndiri sbb deep down inside, pernah terdetik bhw ape yg bakal or sdg dilakukn tu kurg betul?

chill babe.
ak pn sentap gk psl tu.
i'm no different than any of us.

kamu yg mengur,
ada silapnya dgn cara kamu tu.
berusahalah utk memperbaiki.
sy tahu niat kamu baik.

like i've mentioned few times before,
nk berdakwah ni,
ada caranye.
kalu betul and kena caranye,
insya Allah x jd msalah.
kalau x kne tu, cari d mana silapnye,
blaja perbaiki diri n cara dakwah yg lg berkesan.
kalau yg 2x5 tu.....

oh well,
what's life without hardships?
zmn nabi berdakwah dulu,
bukan main susah bukan.
adakh kita kini sudah kembali ke zmn jahiliyyah?
d mana yg salah dikatakn benar, yg benar dikatakn salah?
wallahualam.

ape2 pn,
kamu yg ke masjid,
kamu yg join usrah.
jgn anggap diri kamu baik sgt.
siapa kamu nk judge org?
siapa kamu nk decide kamu lg baik dr org lain?
walau kamu g masjid n join usrah,
tp at the same time masih meriah menganyam ketupat,
ape beza kamu dgn org lain?
mngumpat kn bes.
oh silap.
term skrg bergosip uolss
bru class.
haha.
ak xckp psl org laen.
ak ckp psl diri sndiri.
yes,
ak join usrah.
yes, ak kuat anyam ketupat juge.
proses nk berubah ke arah kebaikan takes time ok(alasan)
n ak xkn ckp ak lg baek dr korang.
ak tahu sape ak.
n dosa2 ak.
x layak ak nk ckp ak lg baik dr korang.

tp ak harap,
jgn sbb sorg,
sume dak usrah kt welly ni pn korg nk pndg serong.
ak rase slame ni,
kami x pnh kaco idup korg,
slain dr nk ajk wat kebaikan.
takde paksaan.
nk join, silakn.
kalu xde org pnh ajk, bole je tny sape2 yg kamu knal n btau kmu nk join.
tepuk dada, tny selera la babe.

ak xphm dgn komen2 yg ckp 'dak2 usrah ni, kalu jmpe org yg cm kurg baik tepi jln, die senyum je. tp kalu die jmpe yg npk cm sopan2 sket (geng2 die la) , trus die stop, tegur n bsalaman'.

aiyoo babe,
ape ni.
common sense la.
1.kalu jmpe kt jln2 tu msti slalunye ade hal la tu. nk g mane2 ke n most importantly,
2.dak usrah pn cm kamu gk la. kmu pn obviously la kalu jmpe geng kamu akn btegur sape, dgn org yg kamu biase2 kamu snyum je la kn? at least senyum ok, dr trus avoid eye contact. hehe. klaka la. ni pn bole jd isu.

oh well.
sapelah ak nk ckp sume ni.
ak pn manusia biasa yg xpernah lari dr wat silap.
mcm skrg, ptut stdy utk test esok tp ak sibuk wat blog. haha

cmon ppl.
rapatkn ukhuwwah.
bukn nk bgaduh.
community kite ni kecik je.
sume org knal sume org kot (at least knal muke kalu xtau name pn)
apela yg kamu dpt kalu bsengketa n nk blame sume org.
ok.malas nk kuakn theory2 sociologists. assignment x siap lg.huuuuu

till then.
p/s- diharapkan xde sape yg rase offended. mcm biase, i dont think anyone will read my blog anyway (-_-')

khas buat yuyu

yu,
bru seminit kot ko kua dr umah ni.
ak dh sdey dh.
huhuuhuu
sori ak slalu emo.
sori ak slalu aummmm2 kt ko.
sori kalu ko ade terase dgn ak.
ak sdey la ko dh xde.
ak xde nk halau2 ko ok.
huong tu je kot.
dengki.
huhuhu
tp ak phm
ko kne balik.
umah ko kt tpt laen.
ko byr sewa sume2 kn.
semoge ur favourite pet dh xde dh kt umah tu.

isk, lebat pule ujan mlm ni.
cmnela ko redah ujan tu ek.
beg ko berat tu.
sure sejuk nnt kn.
jgn jeles, ak xyah byr pkai heater ni. hehe

thanx yu, sbb byk sabar dgn ak.
thanx gk, sbb menghiburkn ak.
ak boring gels duk kt umah ni.
org2 x same wavelength katenye.

slmt kembali ke umah mu~
kalau ko rase nk dtg umah ak lg, my door is always open 4 u.
melainkan tbe2 ak dpt rum8 baru la kn.
dh halfway through the trimester dh pn, i doubt i'll get a new roomate soon.

ak doakn ko bergembira d hadfield trc itu.
besnye, dapur sebelah bilik ko je.
huhu

ok yu,
ak ni mcm xkn jumpe ko lagi je kn.
tp dis sem cm xde chance nk lepak2 pn
klas pn laen2
huuu

nk kua memane ajakla ak
tp sperti yg ko dh maklum,
nk ajak ak kne bgtau at least sehari sebelum,
ak xske la kua on the spot2 dh ni.
wanita bekerjaya la katakan.
masa itu wang ok.

gnite yu.
tonite i'll sleep with the lights on (eceh, mcm ape je bunyi ;P)

time to freak out!!

two tests and one bloody difficult assignment due next week!!
and i am not prepared for any of them!!
i really wish i could scream my head off. yeah, like screaming would help completing my essay.

anyways,
i bet everyone has their own place where they are most comfortable at.
the place that you really like to spend your time with.
the most peaceful or fun place for you.
without anything to disturb you.
for example, the gym, the mall, the library, your own room, the beach etc

well for me,
it's the kitchen.

yup guys, i like to be in the kitchen.
(but i dont like it when it's messy with other people's stuff.is it so hard to clean up after you're done cooking?? kebersihan itu sebahagian daripada iman ok people)

the thing is,
i like to be in the kitchen alone.
if i said i'm going to cook, that means, nobody else is allowed to go to the kitchen with me (well, except for the other housemates who don't share their food with me).
anybody who has been friends with me and even lived with me should know this particular rule really well by now:
no one is allowed to "help" when sha is in the kitchen(her own kitchen, that is).

i don't need "help".
if i do, i will ask for it.
but if i didn't, don't ever volunteer to "help".
if i said "no" for the first time, that's it.
no means NO.

but i guess some people just don't get it.

i don't know why it pisess me off so badly, but it did.
i just couldnt help it,ok.
i'm pretty much like mum who always send me away coz she claimed that i'm "too slow" and it "slowing down her production" or something like that.
but i get it.
if you're not familiar with my kitchen, you wouldn't even know where i put my stuff. and it annoys me when people keep asking the same question(where do you put this and this?) again and again and again.
that is why, i prefer to cook alone.
and that is why i rarely volunteer to help to cook at other people's house.
(aside from the fact that i'm pretty lazy to help too ;P)

on top of that,
i've become really self-conscious if other people watching me cooking.
and i truly despise these questions:
"msk ape tu?" (suke hati ak la nk msk apeeeeee. yg penting halal ok)
"oh, msk ni kne letak tu ek? x penah la pule ak tgk org msk mcmtu. mak ak x letak bla3" (mak ko, mak ko la. ak msk style laen suke hati laaa. dh terang lg bersuluh, i'm not your mother. aduhai)
"knape kne wat cmni, peliknye bla3"
"eeeiii.. manede org letak tu dlm tu bla3"

hello people.
different people, different cooking style.
it's not like i dont know what i'm doing.
if you don't like it, just keep your mouth shut.
if you want to ask questions, find a better way to ask without sounding like you're criticizing that person.

having other people observing me when i'm cooking usually have a pretty bad effect on:
1. me. haruslah emo yg terkire.
2. the food. will not taste as good as i imagined it should be (dh msk tgh marah.apekah.and terlebey nervous babe)

so there you go.
i'm sorry if i offended anyone,
i just want to clear things up.
for my future housemates (i dont know who laa)
don't come near me when it's my turn to cook!(ade lg ke org nk jd housemate ak pasni?)


(matila nk wat ape kalu mak mentua nk jugk dtg mnyibuk tgk org msk ke ape ke)

ayuh bantu palestin!

Assalammualaikum semua~

Apa khabar? Diharapkan semuanya sihat2 hendaknya 
Dalam kita bergembira menjalani kehidupan di bumi Wellington ini, pernahkah anda terfikir bagaimana pula dengan saudara-saudara kita di Palestin?

Pernahkah anda terfikir untuk membantu saudara-suadara Palestin kita tetapi tidak tahu bagaimana caranya?

Jangan bimbang, kami ada satu cadangan!
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Perumpamaan orang yang menginfakkan hartanya di jalan Allah seperti sebutir biji yang menumbuhkan tujuh tangkai, pada setiap tangkai ada seratus biji. Allah melipatgandakan bagi siapa yang Dia kehendaki, dan Allah Mahaluas, Maha Mengetahui".
(Al-Baqarah: 261)

Ingat ye, barang2 yg disumbangkan akan dilelongkan. So bear in mind, bila nk donate barang2 tu, sila tnya pada diri sendiri ”rase2nye, ade org x nk beli brg2 ak ni?”.
Kutipan barang akan dibuat pada hari esok, Ahad,16 Ogos 2009.Jangan bimbang, kami akan dating ke rumah andar untuk pick up barangan tersebut ;)
Sekiranya anda berminat untuk menyumbangkan barangan untuk dilelong, sila hantar email ke apple_blossom191@yahoo.com

Atau boleh hubungi :
Ore-021-02343437
Ain Arfah- 021-0379730

Untuk maklumat lanjut mengenai Roadshow Aman Palestin sila layari www.seedofislam.blogspot.com

Ayuh sama2 kita bukakan mata melihat Palestin kini, pinjamkan
telinga mendengar mengenai Palestin, ringankan tangan membantu
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Roadshow Palestin.


“Untukmu doa2 kami wahai Al-Aqsho yang mulia dan Palestina yang
tercinta. Kami kan terus bersama mu…”

apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

seriously,
apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

sejak kebelakangan ni
ak rase
iman ak agk goyah.
oh Tuhan,
ak sgt takut.

while doing my research for the upcoming sociology assignment (wah, cik sha wat assignment awal, yeah rite), i've stumbled upon a sentence, just a sentence, yg mampu menggoyahkan imanku.

'God is a fantasied being upon whom man projected his own highest powers and faculties, who thus is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect'.

sng ckp,
God is created by human.
but because we human has limited abilities, thus, we imagine our God to have all those power that we, mere humans will never have.
mcm Superman.
since normal human being x bole terbang,
kite bayangkan dan reka satu superhero yg bole terbang.
and kite puja and besarkan superhero tu.

ape yg ak blaja so far psl religion,
most of them(Marx, Weber, Durkhiem) view religion as a product,
and as a way to control and maintain social order.
another form of sociol control and oppression.
well, i dont want to go into that part but the phrase i've quoted above mmg menganggu iman ak.

kalau fikir scr logik akal manusia yg limited ni,
bole je ko nk percaya.
Tuhan tu hny ciptaan manusia yg lemah.
kerana manusia tu lemah,maka manusia akn cipta or sembah apa shj yg dianggap lebih superior dr manusia.
mcm org dulu2, yg sembah matahari or sembah pokok yg besar.

ak jd takut.

tadi, ak ke usrah.
ak x tahulah kebetulan atau tidak,
kami belajar pasal tauhid hari ini.

1. Tauhid Rububiyyah
-Keyakinan yang tidak berbelah bahagi bahawa Allah adalah Tuhan, Pemilik dan Pencipta semua perkara dan benda.

2. Tauhid Uluhiyyah
-Yakin bahawa tiada Tuhan selain Allah dan mengesakanNya dengan ibadah.

3. Tauhid al-Asma' wa al-Sifat
-Yakin dan percaya bahawa Allah swt bersifat dgn sifat2 sempurna dan tiada kekurangan. dan tiada makhluk atau sesiapa pun yg memiliki sifat yg sama dgn Allah swt.


Ak rase terkedu apabila sampai part ketiga tu.
x same ke mcm quote ak td tu?
Kita tak boleh samakan sifat Allah dgn sifat manusia.
That was his point exactly, God is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect

Ak rasa gusar.
Ak rasa khuatir.
Ak x suke perasaan was-was ak ini.

Ak cuba luahkan kpd ahli2 yg lain td,
mungkin,
mereka x rasa apa yg ak ckp tu penting.
mungkin,
mereka x phm tahap mana kegoyahan imanku td.
mereka ckp, lihat ciptaan alam ni.
lihat manusia.
semua org diciptakan melali proses pembentukan yg sama,
dr percantuman sperm n ovum juga kn,
tp lihat,
hasilnya lain2.
setiap manusia berbeza bukan?
ak tahu.
itu yg ak cuba lakukan.
setiap kali ak goyah ak sentiasa ingatkn diri tentang kekuasaan Allah melalui ciptaanNya, alam dan sekalian isinya.
tp ak masih x puas.

mungkin Tuhan saja mahu uji iman ku.
selama ini, ak mengaji,
tp tanpa tafsir.
kadang2 ayat yg kamu rase sedap apabila dibaca tu sebenarnya membawa berita yg menakutkn.
tentang azab neraka.
tentang hari kiamat.
tp tanpa tafsir,
kamu yg buta bahasa arab ni , ape yg kamu paham?
sekadar mampu ckp, "oh, sdap gk ak ngaji arini.heh"

Alhamdulillah,
hari ini, ak dihadiahkan senaskah tafsir al-Quran oleh W.
apabila ak pulang dari usrah td,
ak masih x puas.
ak mahu jawapan.
(kamu selalu dgr cite ni dr saudara2 mualaf kite kn?)
ak buka tafsir.
ak decide nk baca surah 35, al-Fatir kerana surah tu membawa maksud pencipta.
ayat ketiga sahaja sudah cukup utk menenangkan ak:
wahai manusia!ingatlah akan nikmat Allah kepadamu. adakah pencipta selain Allah yang dapat memberi rezeki kepadamu dari langit dan bumi? tidak ada Tuhan selain Dia; maka mengapa kamu berpaling (dari ketauhidan)?

Ya Allah,
ampunkna dosa2 ak.

mungkin ak riak.
mungkin ak sombong.
sampai ak x nmpak nikmat2 Allah.
smpai ak lupa dgn kekuasaan dan kebesaran Allah.
mungkin ak terlalu taksub dgn bhn bacaan ak.
apalah sgt,
hasil tulisan manusia2,
yg dianggap cerdik pandai,
yg dianugerahkna pemikran yg terhad ini.
manunusia yg x berkuasa pn utk mencipta langit dan bumi ini berbanding dgn ayat2 al- Quran?

ak takut,
berapa ramai di antara kita, yg benar2 beriman dgn sepenuh hati ?
yg benar2 mengesakan kebesaran Allah?
yg berlumba2 ,engerjakan ibdaha tanda cinta dan taat kepada Allah?
berapa ramai pula yg terlepas sembahyang subuh pn dh x rasa bersalah sbb dh slalu sgt?
berapa ramai yg mahu enjoy kt dunia ni puas2 in case God doesnt show?
berapa ramai pula yg memang x percaya dgn kewujudan Tuhan kerana menganggap Tuhan itu sadistic kerana org2 yg ingkar dgn suruhan Tuhan akan dikenakn hukuman berat. mereka merasakn Tuhan itu kejam pula.sedangkan nikmat yg Tuhan kurniakn selama ini punyalah x terkira, yg tu mereka x nampak.


manusia.
kecil.
bongkak.
lalai.
bodoh.

you

just so you know,
i'm fine without you.

getting over you was tough.
but not anymore.


not anymore.

sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

Hi there
i'm supposed to be doing my assignment right now
but of course
updating this blog seems much more appealing than that (as usual)

so what's up?
apa khabar iman kalian hari ini dear avid readers of my blog? (oh plz, like there's any -_-)

it's been a week that i've started working as an after school care programme assistant.
the job is pretty cool
fit for a teacher-to-be.
at least, i can apply or relate whatever teaching skills i've been learning for the past two years.
anak mat saleh n anak melayu laen.
the way they treat the children are also different.
different cultural norms and values.
that's the difficult part.
but hey, i have to learn to get over it.
expand my horizon.
open up my mind.

but working,
gets me to think.
that i don't think i'm ready to hold such big responsibilities.
i've worked before.
but my previous works allow me to screw up.
it wont have any effects on anyone whatsoever.
but if i screwed up this job,
a kid might get hurt, the company can go kaput etc.

truth to be told,
i'm not ready for any of that stuff.
the same goes for my fear for my future profession
what will happen to my students if i dont performed well?
what will happen to the future generation?
what will happen to the country?
as i've mentioned before, practical and theories are two different things.
i am well aware that i'm not good at explaining stuff to others.
can i be a good teacher then?
i doubt it.

enough about that.

working also gets you to think about time management.
so far, i think i'm more organized now (it's too early to tell)
but it also get me to think about others who can't wait to get married.
cmon guys, seriously?
do you think you can handle all that responsibilities and pressure?
marriage is not just about nk mneghindari maksiat or nk menghalalkn yg haram.
yes, nk bina keluarga yg baik. tp mampukah dan bersediakah anda?

currently, we're just a bunch of uni students who have all the time in the world to laze around, watching movies, go shopping etc.

but when you're home from work,
you feel tired
your body aches
you feel hungry
all you can think about is to shower, get something to eat, watch the tv a bit and called it a day.
it might be easier to do that if you're a guy.
if you're a woman, a wife,
despite yourself,
you have to cook and clean,
you have to spend time with your children etc(kata nk bina keluarga yg baik kn?)
i know, i know,
your spouse can share the chores with you
but it's not the same.

frankly, i am selfish if i said so myself.
i want to have time for my own.
to rest and relax,
to pamper and indulge myself.
(and i think the ever increasing divorce rate is due to the very limited time they have to themselves. which leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction)

you're definitely cannot do that if you are working + married with children.
unless you have a bibik-which-i-dont-like-but-might-have-to-get-one-anyway-someday.

hey, i'm not against marriage.
i do wish to get married someday.
with the right person.
but not now.

definitely not in the near future.

call me a commitment-phobic.
i think i am.

(okay, this entry is waaayyy off topic. i just want to ramble about my job actually)


Quote of the day:
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

Today I am grateful for...
my new job. i honestly don't know how long it will lasts. hopefully i am strong and good enough to staythere fora while. i always complain that i dont have enough money and i need a job desperately. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for this rezeki. the job is not as easy as it sounds but what's life without hardships? semoga tidak lalai..

how interesting are you?

ok so the new trimester has started for two weeks already.
as usual, the tutorials begin this week, week 2.
i was frustrated to get not so enthusiastic (to put it mildly)tutors this time.
i dont know about my tutor for sociology yet coz i wont be having any tutorial until week 4 (which i find it amusing) but overall, i can say that i find my tutors this time less impressive.
sigh.
i dont think i like any of my lecturers nor tutors this time.
oh wait, except for chris bowden.
as always, he's awesome!
but maybe its too early for me to judge them.

anyway,
as usual ( this should be the favourite phrase of the day :P),
the first tutorial is when you get to know your other tutorial mates.
and of course, you have to introduce yourself.
dont get me wrong,
i have no problems with introducing myself coz:
1. they prolly wouldnt even remember my name coz it sounded weird to them ( they couldnt even pronounced it right anyway)
2. as there would be other msian girls in the class, it would be harder for them to distinguish each one of us. they prolly think all of us who wear the hijab look the same anyway. so even if you see them outside, they prolly wouldnt even noticed you unless you greet them first.

but what i dont like about introducing myself is when the tutor insists that you should tell at least one interesting fact about yourself.
INTERESTING fact about me.
what's interesting about me?
how do you define interesting?
some girl claim that she has 30 cousins, so that should be interesting.
but for most of us msians, we dont find it all that interesting since most of us prolly have more than 30 cousins.
so if that'snot interesting to you, then what is?
i've never travelled around the world in 80 days.
i dont have a twin in the same class.
i am not fluent in 5 different languages.
i cannot do weird stuff like pushing my nose with my tongue or anything like it.
so then, what's interesting about me?
i know that everyone is special in his or her own way.
i know that no 2 people are the same.
i couldnt say that what's interesting about me is that my fingerprint wont match anyone in this room could i?
that would be a really dumb thing to say.

hurm.
so, just ask yourself these questions.
what's interesting about you?
how do you justify that?
what makes you different than everyone else who's in the same room as you?


but hey, dont be too hard on yourselves.
remember, everyone is special ;)


Quote of the day:
i would like to quote one o my favourite song from barney, the purple dinosaur (yes.i like barney)

You are special - you really are
You’re the only one like you
There isn’t another in the whole wide world
Who can do the things you do
Because you are special- special
Everyone is special
Everyone in his or her own way
You' re important so you really are
You' re the only one of you
The world is better just because you are here
you should know that we love you

Yes you re special -special
Everyone is special
Everyone in his or her own way!

walking down the memory lane

Memory is a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.
-Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal-





it's been a very looonggg holiday.
2 beloved friends came to wellington.
12 days well spend with my girls,
miss R and miss A.

i've met those girls in KMS.
and hanging out with them,
with miss R especially, brings a lot of memory back.

you see, miss R used to be my roommate (so she knows the juicy stuff about me.haha).
and of course we had our ups and downs but we did had a lot of fun back then ( imiss those days when having a roommate used to be fun and exciting!huhu)

reminiscing about the past with her,
laughing about the good old days or what we called "zaman kegemilangan POOS",
(hey, ak ahli setia. dulu, kini selamanya. idup poos!it's pronounced as po'os btw:P)
anyway,
reminiscing the past is another form of self-discovery.
miss R recalls,among others, the times when i used to sing in the morning (that indicates that i'm in a good mood. which is rare coz im not a morning person), and the "accidents" i have with the iron (where the whole floor could practically hear my screams about my tudung or whatever that i have burnt that day. believe me, there's a lot of clothes that i have to throw away back then :P), gossiping about the boys in her class (or the class next to hers :P) and about how bubbly and loud i was back then.

upon hearing that,
i took a moment to reflect on myself.
i am not the same person as i was before.
i do not sing in the morning anymore.
i do not put holes through my clothes anymore.
i am not interested to gossip about the boys anymore.
and i realized,
i am not as bubbly or as loud as i used to be.
well, i am loud(at times), but not like before.
now, i am more known for my mood swings more than anything else(sigh..)

well, people change.
after miss R left kms,
i got my heart broken.
i had new perspectives on friends.
i went to work.
i got fatter.
these things change me.
the environment changed.
my needs and priorities changed.
the types of books and movies i like changed.
and oops! i've become a slightly different person.
some people might say that i have grown up (but i dont really believe that crap. i'm still daddy's girl at heart :P)

the thing is ,
no matter who you are in the past,
you'll just have to accept it.
there are many things in the past that i hate and would like to forget,
but you can never change the past.
you cannot run away from the past.
you are, what you are now, because of the past (i know, it's such a cliche..)

in many ways,
i think,
i have become a slightly better person.
the old me would still be wearing tight outfit ALL THE TIME (note the difference.hehe) or would not pray until the last minute.
i've acquired new skills since then.
i've gained new perspectives on life from all those odd jobs i've done.

so, thank you miss R and miss A for the visit.
i'm sorry for not entertaining you guys enough what with the bad weather and no extra cash lying around huhu.
but your visits helps me to discover and appreciate myself a bit more.
coz in the end,
what's left are just me,myself and I.

Quote of the day:
Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. -Saul Bellow-

Today I am grateful for...
my friends. though we're miles apart (that including those of you who live in everton or hadfield terrace :P) and haven't seen each other for a long time, it's great to know that we're still friends and still hit it off like we used to.
"absence makes the heart grow fonder". not "out of sight, out of mind". and for those who have to bear with my sudden and extreme mood swings, thank you. i'm truly sorry if i ever offended any of you yet you guys still stick with me (like you have any choice.haha.i am extremely thankful for these great,wonderful,exciting, patient friends of mine. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah.

the stupidest thing i've ever done

well
there's so many stupid things i've done
but yeah,
this one is on the top of the list
remember me telling that i'm miss typo?
well, i'm not just miss typo
but i'm also miss-slalu-tersalah-anta-txt-kt-org-laen
which is very stupid
and guess what
someone usually will get hurt by it
coz usually
the oops! txt is always a bad bad bad txt about that person
hahaha
guess Tuhan saje nk tunjuk kot
x baek mngumpat
hee

examples of the oops!txt
1. "ko tau x ape minah ckp kt ak td? smpai ati die ckp cmtu weii blablabla"
and the txt was received by minah herself
2. "kesian imah wei. die kne bla3"
and thus imah la yg dpt txt tu
3. "phm2 jela senah tu cmne. pelik sket lalalalala"
ye sesedap rase je ckp kt org cmtu pastu ko send kt senah trus kn..
4. "ak x ske la joyah tu.. die slalu bla3"
well, u get the drift..

i dont know why
but it happened quite a number of times
and guess what
of course la there will be some "crisis" after that
the 2007 incident is still fresh on my mind.hohooo

imagine what would the text recipient feel??
and imagine how would i feel when i've discovered that i accidentally sent the message to the wrong person??
it feels like..
like bungee jumping.
scares the hell out of me!!!!

the thing is
it happened again
just few hours earlier
i ACCIDENTALLY sent another stupid message
its not really a bad message at all but if u suddenly get that kind of txt, u'll get mad too.
lost in translation.

therefore,
i would like to realllllllyyy aplogise
to the person i sent the txt to (seriously i didnt notice at all that i've sent the txt to u until u reply it back to me)
i didnt mean to hurt/insult/put u down
it's nothing like that
i was just plainly expressing my thoughts to the other person
though u might think about it the other way round

guess i should really learn to keep unnecessary thoughts to myself
if what i think doesnt benefit anyone,
it's better for me to keep it to myself
just look at what happened now?

guess the process "utk berubah ke arah kebaikan" would be a reallyy loooonnnggg one
(org baek x anta txt mctu kt sesape pn wahai the dreamer. huhu)


~sigh~

aku ingin menjadi lebih baik

Alhamduilllah
selamat pulang dari Christchurch
ini kali kedua ak ke sana
ak rase, dlm byk2 tpt kt NZ ni,
ak paling suke Christchurch
mungkin kerana
terase lebih "oversea" di sana
sila ke sana
u'll get what i mean
haha
will definitely go there again
at least one more time
wahai cik E si gadis lomo,
pastikan ko ke sana lagi dgn ak juge
ak mahu jd modelmu
haha

kali ni ke Christchurch sempena Jalinan Ukhuwwah New Zealand (JUNZ)
sebelum ke sana
serius,
ak sgt nervous
sgt3
will i fit in?
adakh bju ak appropriate?
ah, biasela
bnde2 remeh ni ak pikir
haish.

ape yg ak rase/dpt from this prog...

- berada d kalangan org2 yg hebat menyedarkan ak betapa ceteknya ilmu ak. bukan calang2 org yg ak jmpe. ramai yg sdg wat PhD etc sedangakn umur diorg mudaaaa lg. umur 24 dh ade PhD. sdangkan kitorang ni, umur 24 bru nk grad. degree. terase sperti nk marah MARA di situ (sila tanya dak2 KMS kalau nk tahu penjelasan lanjut). tp kalau pikir balik, patut bersyukur, sekurang2nya, ade penaja, ade kesmpatan nk blaja kt tpt org juge. bukan senang. maka bersyukurlah. tapi yg pasti, setelah jmpe mereka2 ni, ak sgt rase, sperti mahu melanjutkn pelajaran lg. kalu sblum ni ak kata, ak x pnh terfikir pn, skrg ni, ak sgt mahu. ak rase malu, asyik mengeluh psl assignment. x ade ape yg senang kn. rakan2, sile jgn mengeluh pasal assignment, exams, kne byk baca la apela. mcamne nk maju kalau asyik mngeluh? kalau kita yg bru 2nd yr ni pn dh bising bukan main, mampukah kita nk ke tahap yg lebih tinggi? (diharapkan penulis sdar diri n berterusan sdar diri :P)

- ak rase sgt malu juge bile teringat entry ak psl ak bnci maths. haha. cuba kite imbas kembali cendekiawan2 Islam zaman dahulu. mereka bukan hanya pakar dlam satu bidang bukan? rata2nya, masing2 mempunyai ilmu dlm semua aspek. xdela bahasa je, segala ilmu sains, kira2 etc pn dikuasai juge. kalau kite pk scr logik pn, mmg patut la pn kn. mane bole berat sebelah je kn. x balance. semua benda pn berkait. kalau hanya pndai menulis tp x pandai mengira pn x bole juge kn?

- berada d kalangan org2 yg baik menyebabkn anda rase utk mnjadi lebih baik. org baik x akn judge kamu. malah, mereka terima kamu dgn tangan terbuka. mereka x ckp2 kosong. mereka juge x bergosip atau mengumpat (SEDARALAH WAHAI "the dreamer"!.haha).bukankah itu lebih baik. dari segi pemakaian pula, berada d kalangan mereka mnyebabkn kmu rase melabuhkan tudung itu mudah dan berpakaian menutup aurat itu indah. serius. ade je pakaian yg longgar n labuh yg bergaya.lagipun, sgtlah selesa. xde kamu nk tarik2 baju kamu tu ke bwh all the time, or rase sgt conscious terhadap bonjolan or lemak2 kamu seperimana yg kamu rase taktala memakai bju or seluar yg ketat. heee. ayuhai rakan2, marilah berubah.elakkan dr memakai yg muat2, yg sendat2, yg ketat2, yg padat2~ lebih manis bukan?

- main ibu ayam-musang / pukul bpe datuk harimau utk mereka yg telah lanjut usia dlm kuantiti yg ramai adalah merbahayakan. LOL

- pemilihan penceramah agama/pendakwah adalah penting. kadang2, org akn ade persepsi yg salah terhadap Islam kalau cara penyampaian penceramah tu salah. ak ingat lagi kt KMS, ada ckgu2 ak yg blah dr dewan sbb x tahan dgn penceramah tu. isunya, psl buang anak kot. tp yg dsalahkn oleh pnceramah tu, asyik2 perempuan. dkutuknye perempuan bukan2. dgunakan bahasa yg kurang enak. apakah itu?lg2 cikgu2 ak ni ala2 feminist, sape nk dgr beb? ak pn sentap gk time tu. Islam x bgitu bukan?Islam itu kn indah. Islam juge x merendah2kn wanita. kalau nk berdakwah kne berhemah.n sy suke dgn cara pnympaian dan juge isi kndungan ceramah ustaz F. walaupun sy asyk tertido time bengkel pagi. haha

- Islam itu syumul. Islam itu menyeluruh. Islam itu cantik, indah. Ak bersyukur dilahirkan beragama Islam. ak bersyukur, dibukakn hati utk pergi usrah. dlu, ak xnkla join usrah2 ni.sbb ak rase ak bukan la baik sgt. ak rase, ak rase, ak x bole nk fit in la dgn org2 usrah ni.ak sgt beryukur, usrah wellington ni, x rigid, x fanatik. usrah cni mudah,hanya seminggu skali,sabtu/ahad, tp inputnya banyak. ak rase, byk bnda yg ak bljar sejak join usrah ni. IA, diamalkanlah ilmu2 tu. aeperti point sbelumnya, pemilihan naqibah atau kakak usrah juge adalh sgt penting. ak rase,ak tertarik nk join, krn akak2 ni bukn sperti akak2 usrah yg ak knal dlu. mereka sgt easy going, independent, active n open minded. dan mereka juge sgt bijak dlm sgale hal. kalau kamu tahu tentang Usul 20 tp kamu x tahu yg San Francisco adelah nama tpt or kamu xtahu cara penggunaan microwave yg betul, jgn harap sy nk respect kamu.apetah lg nk join group usrah kamu. Islam itu syumul.Jgnlah smpai xtahu lsg hal dunia. lagi satu, tolonglah jgn asyik nk cte psl isu basi yg x berkesudahan sperti isu pakai tudung n couple. gunalah pndekatan yg berbeza. Islam bukan psl pkai tudung je kn? kalau kite pakai approach lain, yg lebih memudahkn kite memahami ajaran Islam, iA, isu pkaia tudung or couple ni xkn jd isu punye. kalau kita pham ajaran Islam yg betul, tentu kita akan patuh kn? and x kn persoalkn knp kene buat semua tu or dilarang mmbuat ini. sbb semuanya jelas n bersebab.

- JUNZ tahun dpn patut asingkan laki n pmpuan. susahla nk jaga pndangan ni. selain itu, sgt x selesa. lagi2 ak yg dpt bilik hujunnggg yg dkat dgn bilik ikhwat. oh, sgt3 x selesa bila nk kua masuk bilik.

- pndangan mata harus dijaga. kalau x, mula2lah berlaku insiden2 yg x sepatutnya. sperti TERlepas ckp bnde2 yg kamu ptut ckp dlm hati (wink wink cik E :p) atau ternampak orang yg kamu x patut nampak, kemudian kamu meroyan. hahaha.

- sy menyesal dlu blaja bhs arab main2. lpstu tuka skola sbb xnk amik arab. xnk cacat result pmr. apekah. hahaha. skrg mnyesal. sbb hadis susah nk phm. bc Quran, lg la. agk sedih di situ.

- sy kagum mereka2 yg x kisah berkorban tenaga mahupun wang utk tujuan ini. berdakwah. berjihad. semoga Allah memberkati kalian. sy kagum dgn mereka yg berkhidmat sbagai tukang masak. sebagai driver. sebagai pngurus prog etc. terima kasih kalian.

- oh x lupe juge. lg satu bnde, ktorg agk amazed dgn aka2 yg dh kawen.muda2 lg woo. x sangka dh kawen. dan juge mereka2 yg dh bertunang etc. sy jeles dgn anda. tp xpelah, sy rase, sy x bersedia lg untuk membina keluarga yg baik. sy harus baiki diri sy mnjadi individu muslim yg baik dulu.(dan juge mendapat calon yg baik. huhu)

wahhh..
pjg gile ak tulis.
hahaha
kesimpulannya,
ak bersyukur sgt2
dpt join prog tu wpun dlu cm nk x nk je pegi
time kasey kpd sponsor2 tiket sy cik Kak M n Kak W,
smoge dirahmati Allah, insya Allah.

JUNZ adalh lebih baik dr bersatu games.
bersatu games x "bersatu" pn ok.
dr JUNZ, ak knal la juge org2 lua welly
n mnjdi lebih rapat dgn org2 welly yg dulunya hanya kenal muka je :)

ak sgt berharap
ak istiqamah dlm memperbaiki diri
rakan2
doakan ak
n sokonglah ak.

oh look, there goes my self-esteem....

down the drain



sigh

sejarah mungkin berulang

Those who don’t learn from
history are destined to repeat its mistakes
 
(Edmund Burke, 18thC British statesman and philosopher. A rough paraphrase)

-credit to Jono, lecture 2, ALIN 201-

tolongla sedar cik sha!
jgn malas2!

ayuh berusaha rakan2! ^_^

overconfident much?

usaha tangga kejayaan
to keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it
bersakit-sakit dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian

say what you want
if i refused to study, i refused to study
if i refused to complete my assignment on time
i will definitely leave it until the last minute
its the same for every assignments
or should i say that it's getting worse?
if the assignmnet due at 5 pm
you will see me running to uni at 4.30 pm
*mentang2 umah dekat kn. cuba kne pnjat bukit sket?*

the thing is,
i didnt know why i've become like this?
i have no motivation whatsoever to start the assignment at least 2 days before
no motivation at all
whether intrinsic or extrinsic
none
nada
zilch

and now as a result...
i finally get 2 deserving Cs today
hahaha

the thing is,
regardless of how late or how unprepared i was,
i never got a C for my assignmnet (no,I didnt mean to sound cocky ok but maybe a bit overconfident. thats why i never learned my lesson. thats why the pattern keeps repeating)
and now today
the day has come
the long awaited, anticipated C has finally appeared
and it didnt come alone,
i got twins!!
hahaha (adekah ak sudah gila??)

now here's what you call
a slap on the face
a wake up call
and very deserving so

I didnt blame fate for this
why should I?
I know how much effort I have put so far..

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum, kecuali kaum itu sendiri yang mengubahnya" (surah ar Ra'd ayat 11)

Sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Adil
jangan kamu nk compare result kamu dgn result org laen
cuba compare usaha kamu dgn usaha org laen
ak rase
ganjaran yg kamu dpt selalunya setimpal lah dgn usaha kamu
hohohohoho

oleh itu rakan2,
ayuhlah berusaha nk exam ni!
kalau result dpt x bes,
jgn nk merungut,
jgn nk mengeluh
cuba reflect diri anda tu dulu :P
(wahhhh..jgn terpedaya dgn ayat2 ak ni.ak tidak sematang itu. td ak balik umah emo bukan maen juge. haha)

but really,
Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.
-Robert Louis Stevenson-

so lets start to improve ourselves from now and hopefully istiqamah la yek ;P

Quote of the day ditujukan khas kepada rakan2 yg merasakan sekarang ini adalah saat2 yg sukar, baik dari segi pelajaran, kewangan maupun perhubungan :
'Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan'
(Al Insyirah: 5&6)

Today I am grateful for...
my test result. I was expecting to fail the test as I was totally clueless in the lecture hall last week.My mind just went blank.I didnt complete numerous questions mind you. Alhamdulillah, a C+ is better than a failed paper. Alhamdulilah, thank you Allah.