Sunday, August 2, 2009

sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

Hi there
i'm supposed to be doing my assignment right now
but of course
updating this blog seems much more appealing than that (as usual)

so what's up?
apa khabar iman kalian hari ini dear avid readers of my blog? (oh plz, like there's any -_-)

it's been a week that i've started working as an after school care programme assistant.
the job is pretty cool
fit for a teacher-to-be.
at least, i can apply or relate whatever teaching skills i've been learning for the past two years.
anak mat saleh n anak melayu laen.
the way they treat the children are also different.
different cultural norms and values.
that's the difficult part.
but hey, i have to learn to get over it.
expand my horizon.
open up my mind.

but working,
gets me to think.
that i don't think i'm ready to hold such big responsibilities.
i've worked before.
but my previous works allow me to screw up.
it wont have any effects on anyone whatsoever.
but if i screwed up this job,
a kid might get hurt, the company can go kaput etc.

truth to be told,
i'm not ready for any of that stuff.
the same goes for my fear for my future profession
what will happen to my students if i dont performed well?
what will happen to the future generation?
what will happen to the country?
as i've mentioned before, practical and theories are two different things.
i am well aware that i'm not good at explaining stuff to others.
can i be a good teacher then?
i doubt it.

enough about that.

working also gets you to think about time management.
so far, i think i'm more organized now (it's too early to tell)
but it also get me to think about others who can't wait to get married.
cmon guys, seriously?
do you think you can handle all that responsibilities and pressure?
marriage is not just about nk mneghindari maksiat or nk menghalalkn yg haram.
yes, nk bina keluarga yg baik. tp mampukah dan bersediakah anda?

currently, we're just a bunch of uni students who have all the time in the world to laze around, watching movies, go shopping etc.

but when you're home from work,
you feel tired
your body aches
you feel hungry
all you can think about is to shower, get something to eat, watch the tv a bit and called it a day.
it might be easier to do that if you're a guy.
if you're a woman, a wife,
despite yourself,
you have to cook and clean,
you have to spend time with your children etc(kata nk bina keluarga yg baik kn?)
i know, i know,
your spouse can share the chores with you
but it's not the same.

frankly, i am selfish if i said so myself.
i want to have time for my own.
to rest and relax,
to pamper and indulge myself.
(and i think the ever increasing divorce rate is due to the very limited time they have to themselves. which leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction)

you're definitely cannot do that if you are working + married with children.
unless you have a bibik-which-i-dont-like-but-might-have-to-get-one-anyway-someday.

hey, i'm not against marriage.
i do wish to get married someday.
with the right person.
but not now.

definitely not in the near future.

call me a commitment-phobic.
i think i am.

(okay, this entry is waaayyy off topic. i just want to ramble about my job actually)


Quote of the day:
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

Today I am grateful for...

my new job. i honestly don't know how long it will lasts. hopefully i am strong and good enough to staythere fora while. i always complain that i dont have enough money and i need a job desperately. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for this rezeki. the job is not as easy as it sounds but what's life without hardships? semoga tidak lalai..

7 comments:

hafiz CHouJi said...

As a child, I used to whine about exams and questioning why they ever existed in the first place. Then my dad told me this: "Whatever little knowledge you learnt must be put to trial to see how much you've really learnt your lesson. Remember, Al-'ilmu fis suduur bilaa fil kutub (which can mean, knowledge isn't in books but it should be in our chests)." <~ the last advice my dad gave me is an Arabic expression)

Years passed by and I started to see truth in my dad's advice.

As a child when I was still nerdy and likes to read a lot, I used to be top of the class. Then came a time when I kicked out off my "throne", you bet I was sad. But my dad told me this: "That's just a single failure. Try again and don't give up. If you give in and succumb to failures, how can you ever improve? Don't aim to be the best, aim to better yourself each day."

Just sharing some advices my dad gave me, of which I think might be related to this entry. :')

~p/s: Walaupon iman hari nie tidak sekuat beberapa hari lepas, tapi alhamdulillah, masih di bawah kawalan.

mizzshaina said...

well, ur entry dis tym got me thinking about whether i am ready to bear such big responsibility-> MARRIAGE

ppl make it look so easy sometime,u kno, mude2 lagi da kawen and wat not. being a women, kekadang terasa cam teringin gak nak kawen (tak tau la ngan sape kan, based on my obsession of the week, and dis week its channing tatum,eheh)

haha, but ble fikir2 balik, i KNOW i am not ready to be someone with responsibilities, not only to myself, but to others. marriage bknnye memain kan, dat u can back out anytime u want.

i guess sbenarnye wat i want is the wedding, u know, the photo session, the clothes, the meriah2 part, but not really a marriage.

im still a baby myself how can i handle a baby?? hehe..

oops sory, membebel pasal diri sendiri plak kat sini. my point is, i totally get wat u mean. mmgla marriage tu dituntut dlm islam, but u also need to be mentally and physically prepared for it.ilmu agama and rimah tangga pun kne ade gak. kalau ingat kawin senang, ure in for a trouble

Sha said...

chouji:
"Don't aim to be the best, aim to better yourself each day"
i really like that one.
thank you!
i am naturally a competitive person, i wanna be the best in everything that i can be, but it also leads me to feel dejected and stressed out if i am not on top of everyone and that's not healthy.
you cannot be the best all the time.
everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses dont they?
there's no use to compete with each other all the time, it's more important to improve yourself everyday:)

sarah:
true!
i think skrg org nk sgt kawen coz nk pkai cantek2 n yg plg penting..
gmba yg cantek!
ni sume pngaruh media.
perasan x, most media only show wedding moments/ the first time they get a baby to portray marriages.
well, a marriage is more than just that right?

mynameisyuyu said...

1) you can be a good teacher if you have the intention of being one dear shariah..like coji says, improve ourselves and Godwilling, you'll have the time, resources and environment provided to you to be one..

2) yes marriage is one big thing with many big responsibilities..by saying that doesn't make you any commitment phobic because He knows you always pray to be able to carry such responsibilities when the right time comes..trust me you're not a commitment phobic..not at all..

3) ou~obama said, a good father can tell his daughters not to be influenced by the media to tell them who they are, what they should wear, what they should do, when they can have sex etc..and a good father can also guide the kids on what are the options and consequences of their decisions..dh jumpe calon husband cmni dh boleh la consider dh ready blom nk kawen..

comot said...

Dear the dreamer..

As I've been told you before, you should be proud of yourself because having the opportunity to get into this kind of job.

Imagine that one day you will become a teacher and your student asks you about your experience while studying overseas. You can at least tell them about how amazing this job can be.

You also must realise, not everybody is lucky as you to have a job that I think not quite suitable for undergraduate like us, especially for an international student..

Obviously they way we handle kids are different due to different culture and style of living.. This is such a great opportunity to learn something from here, that's what we have to look for since we were sent to study abroad right?

For the marriage issue, I don't think I'm able to give a comment on that.. For me, I always feel that I'm not ready for serious relationship, yet marriage. What I have in mind right now is to work for at least 5 years just to redeem my hard time while being an engineering student. So I guess, I am a commitment freak!

I can imagine I'm being a workaholic person, but I don't mind about that.. It just that for Malay culture, tak manis anak dara kawin lambat-lambat..That's all ;p

Anyway, best of luck for your career and study!

KePOMPOM said...

eh ni bukan blog sarashaina ek? abis tu sape ni ek? if u dont mind me asking..i know u r tesl student. hehe i kinda sesat pulak :P

Sha said...

ni bukan sarah shaina,
ni kawan sarah shaina
haha
ak sha la cik apom..