menjadi seorang guru adalah sangat memenatkan sampai earthquake pun x sedar

for more information on the earthquake, you can go here or here

my first week of TE is well, tiring
left the house at 7, arrived home around 5
after tarawikh, immediately pengsan
but then again, we have to teach pule
so after tarawikh kne la bace2 resource and wat lesson plan
fuh
penat
sangat penat sampai x sedar langsung ade earthquake
okla, rasenye terbangun juge around dat time (ingatkn dh time sahur) tp ble tgk jam cm awal lg so sambung tdo balik
without noticing anything
so the next day bile pegi skola, everyone was talking about the quake
and i was like whaaaaaaaattt? there's an earthquake last night? i didnt feel a thing!
and they said that the quake is pretty strong this time
utk mnyedapkn hati,
ak pn ckp dlm hati, oh,maybe area2 cni je kot yg rase
haha
yeah rite, bile balik umah
sume housemate ku ckp diorg rase
n sume gelakkn tahap tdo mati ak yg melampau(the quake was felt strongly throughout the wellington area ok)
haha
oh well, xpela, korg ckp cm scary pn kn
seb baek la ak dilindungi dr perasaan cemas itu (yela tu..kalu betul2 dhsyat, ko tgh atas katil ye cik sha,bukn tdo bwh meja :P)

hahaha
sape ckp jd cikgu rilek je meh cni ak cungkil biji mata
penat woo
dan merbahaya rupenye (yela, ade earthquake pn x sdar. x ke bahaya tu? haha)

and then yesterday was my 1st time to teach the whole class
and during my lesson..
mmg tgh nervous abis la
sbb tibe2 baru sdar article yg difotostat tu x sempurna, diorg x bole bace coz byk gkla missing words
tgh glabah2 nk wat ape ek..
skali fire alarm pule berbunyi
cikgu tu pn dh pelik, coz ni bukn fire drill
maka bertempiaran la mereka menyelamatkn diri
"wah, saved by the bell!!"getus ak dlm hati
rase sungguh gembira
krn lesson td mcm dh ala2 disaster la kn
tp malangnye,
tiada kebakaran(isk,adeke mtk skola terbakar? isk3)
maka, pengajaran harus diteruskan!
haha
tp in a way, bgus gkla lesson terinterrupted jap
bolela wat self-reflection jap and change my instructions jap

fuh
that's the end of week 1
will talk more on the school system, the students, attitudes and behaviour later
for now, i want to enjoy my weekend to the max!!! (duit mara dh msuk!! wheee~)

AYUH BANTU PALESTIN!!!!

am not ready yet.

In less than 10 hours from now (if you trust my arithmatic skills :P),
I will finally going to experience what it's like to be a teacher in Aotearoa.

urgh, teaching experience.
why now?
oh, ujian bulan Ramadhan.
but of course, if not now then when?
sooner or later i have to endure this right?
right?right?
RIGHT.

after visiting my associate teacher last friday, I've realised that there's a lot of things that I didnt know about the school system here.
and i do mean A LOT.
my teacher keepS on rambling about the teacher's duties, syndicates, days, activities blablabla which i have absolutely no idae what she's talking about.
too bad i didnt pay much attention during TEAP.
but i doubt that they explained the system thoroughly during the lessons anyway.

oh God, I am absolutely anxious right now.
I dont think I can sleep well tonight but I need to!!
I have to get off to school by 7am tomorrw and won't be leaving the school until 3pm.
waaaaaaaayyyyyyy busier than uni days.
urgh.
there goes my holidays.
adieu my 2 weeks spring break~
hopefully it's going to be a meaningful one.
(of course it's going to be meaningful,i am being graded for this. sigh.wpun x baik mengeluh.SIGH)

oh well, wish me luck!!
I am definitely going to enjoy this opportunity to the MAX!! (i have to, i have to, i have to, ihave to, but i wish i could just laze around at home for 2 weeks.huhu)
Evans Bay Intermediate School, here I come~~

p/s-about the assignment. i didnt understand how, but somehow i managed to complete it on time. oh well, 3 cheers for me for handing in the assignment on time.!!!this should be the last reminder for me not to procrastinate ever again(uhuh. yeah rite. u said it all d time S ;p)

i wont ask for an extension if i dont really need one

i really
dont like
sosc 111
the class is too big
the subject is quite hard
too much information at one time
the lecture notes on blackboard are not helping at all
my coursemates are not friendly
the lecturers are dull
and it's at 9am
oh well
at least not 8

and i am soo mad that the fact that they wont grant me an extension
i have 2 tests this week and on the same day of the due date
what did you expect?
i tried to complete the assignment earlier but what did you expect?
the tutorial to discuss this assignment was just last week.
i couldnt even understand the question before the tutorial.
there's only few readings i can do at one time.

sangat x suke ok.
and bile x suke, i always just shut down.
trus x nk wat assignmnet.
haha
silly?
i know.
but i really dont care.

jahiliyyah kite

knp
bila diajak buat kebaikan,
pnylah liat nk join.
bermcm2 alasan la diberi.
tp,
kalau ditegur ape yg dirasekn kurg betul,
wahh
bukn main mengelabah nk tegakkn "kebenaran".
bertungkus lumus nk justify ur actions.
utk sape ur justification tu?
society?
The One who created you?
or sbb nk sdapkn diri sndiri sbb deep down inside, pernah terdetik bhw ape yg bakal or sdg dilakukn tu kurg betul?

chill babe.
ak pn sentap gk psl tu.
i'm no different than any of us.

kamu yg mengur,
ada silapnya dgn cara kamu tu.
berusahalah utk memperbaiki.
sy tahu niat kamu baik.

like i've mentioned few times before,
nk berdakwah ni,
ada caranye.
kalu betul and kena caranye,
insya Allah x jd msalah.
kalau x kne tu, cari d mana silapnye,
blaja perbaiki diri n cara dakwah yg lg berkesan.
kalau yg 2x5 tu.....

oh well,
what's life without hardships?
zmn nabi berdakwah dulu,
bukan main susah bukan.
adakh kita kini sudah kembali ke zmn jahiliyyah?
d mana yg salah dikatakn benar, yg benar dikatakn salah?
wallahualam.

ape2 pn,
kamu yg ke masjid,
kamu yg join usrah.
jgn anggap diri kamu baik sgt.
siapa kamu nk judge org?
siapa kamu nk decide kamu lg baik dr org lain?
walau kamu g masjid n join usrah,
tp at the same time masih meriah menganyam ketupat,
ape beza kamu dgn org lain?
mngumpat kn bes.
oh silap.
term skrg bergosip uolss
bru class.
haha.
ak xckp psl org laen.
ak ckp psl diri sndiri.
yes,
ak join usrah.
yes, ak kuat anyam ketupat juge.
proses nk berubah ke arah kebaikan takes time ok(alasan)
n ak xkn ckp ak lg baek dr korang.
ak tahu sape ak.
n dosa2 ak.
x layak ak nk ckp ak lg baik dr korang.

tp ak harap,
jgn sbb sorg,
sume dak usrah kt welly ni pn korg nk pndg serong.
ak rase slame ni,
kami x pnh kaco idup korg,
slain dr nk ajk wat kebaikan.
takde paksaan.
nk join, silakn.
kalu xde org pnh ajk, bole je tny sape2 yg kamu knal n btau kmu nk join.
tepuk dada, tny selera la babe.

ak xphm dgn komen2 yg ckp 'dak2 usrah ni, kalu jmpe org yg cm kurg baik tepi jln, die senyum je. tp kalu die jmpe yg npk cm sopan2 sket (geng2 die la) , trus die stop, tegur n bsalaman'.

aiyoo babe,
ape ni.
common sense la.
1.kalu jmpe kt jln2 tu msti slalunye ade hal la tu. nk g mane2 ke n most importantly,
2.dak usrah pn cm kamu gk la. kmu pn obviously la kalu jmpe geng kamu akn btegur sape, dgn org yg kamu biase2 kamu snyum je la kn? at least senyum ok, dr trus avoid eye contact. hehe. klaka la. ni pn bole jd isu.

oh well.
sapelah ak nk ckp sume ni.
ak pn manusia biasa yg xpernah lari dr wat silap.
mcm skrg, ptut stdy utk test esok tp ak sibuk wat blog. haha

cmon ppl.
rapatkn ukhuwwah.
bukn nk bgaduh.
community kite ni kecik je.
sume org knal sume org kot (at least knal muke kalu xtau name pn)
apela yg kamu dpt kalu bsengketa n nk blame sume org.
ok.malas nk kuakn theory2 sociologists. assignment x siap lg.huuuuu

till then.
p/s- diharapkan xde sape yg rase offended. mcm biase, i dont think anyone will read my blog anyway (-_-')

khas buat yuyu

yu,
bru seminit kot ko kua dr umah ni.
ak dh sdey dh.
huhuuhuu
sori ak slalu emo.
sori ak slalu aummmm2 kt ko.
sori kalu ko ade terase dgn ak.
ak sdey la ko dh xde.
ak xde nk halau2 ko ok.
huong tu je kot.
dengki.
huhuhu
tp ak phm
ko kne balik.
umah ko kt tpt laen.
ko byr sewa sume2 kn.
semoge ur favourite pet dh xde dh kt umah tu.

isk, lebat pule ujan mlm ni.
cmnela ko redah ujan tu ek.
beg ko berat tu.
sure sejuk nnt kn.
jgn jeles, ak xyah byr pkai heater ni. hehe

thanx yu, sbb byk sabar dgn ak.
thanx gk, sbb menghiburkn ak.
ak boring gels duk kt umah ni.
org2 x same wavelength katenye.

slmt kembali ke umah mu~
kalau ko rase nk dtg umah ak lg, my door is always open 4 u.
melainkan tbe2 ak dpt rum8 baru la kn.
dh halfway through the trimester dh pn, i doubt i'll get a new roomate soon.

ak doakn ko bergembira d hadfield trc itu.
besnye, dapur sebelah bilik ko je.
huhu

ok yu,
ak ni mcm xkn jumpe ko lagi je kn.
tp dis sem cm xde chance nk lepak2 pn
klas pn laen2
huuu

nk kua memane ajakla ak
tp sperti yg ko dh maklum,
nk ajak ak kne bgtau at least sehari sebelum,
ak xske la kua on the spot2 dh ni.
wanita bekerjaya la katakan.
masa itu wang ok.

gnite yu.
tonite i'll sleep with the lights on (eceh, mcm ape je bunyi ;P)

time to freak out!!

two tests and one bloody difficult assignment due next week!!
and i am not prepared for any of them!!
i really wish i could scream my head off. yeah, like screaming would help completing my essay.

anyways,
i bet everyone has their own place where they are most comfortable at.
the place that you really like to spend your time with.
the most peaceful or fun place for you.
without anything to disturb you.
for example, the gym, the mall, the library, your own room, the beach etc

well for me,
it's the kitchen.

yup guys, i like to be in the kitchen.
(but i dont like it when it's messy with other people's stuff.is it so hard to clean up after you're done cooking?? kebersihan itu sebahagian daripada iman ok people)

the thing is,
i like to be in the kitchen alone.
if i said i'm going to cook, that means, nobody else is allowed to go to the kitchen with me (well, except for the other housemates who don't share their food with me).
anybody who has been friends with me and even lived with me should know this particular rule really well by now:
no one is allowed to "help" when sha is in the kitchen(her own kitchen, that is).

i don't need "help".
if i do, i will ask for it.
but if i didn't, don't ever volunteer to "help".
if i said "no" for the first time, that's it.
no means NO.

but i guess some people just don't get it.

i don't know why it pisess me off so badly, but it did.
i just couldnt help it,ok.
i'm pretty much like mum who always send me away coz she claimed that i'm "too slow" and it "slowing down her production" or something like that.
but i get it.
if you're not familiar with my kitchen, you wouldn't even know where i put my stuff. and it annoys me when people keep asking the same question(where do you put this and this?) again and again and again.
that is why, i prefer to cook alone.
and that is why i rarely volunteer to help to cook at other people's house.
(aside from the fact that i'm pretty lazy to help too ;P)

on top of that,
i've become really self-conscious if other people watching me cooking.
and i truly despise these questions:
"msk ape tu?" (suke hati ak la nk msk apeeeeee. yg penting halal ok)
"oh, msk ni kne letak tu ek? x penah la pule ak tgk org msk mcmtu. mak ak x letak bla3" (mak ko, mak ko la. ak msk style laen suke hati laaa. dh terang lg bersuluh, i'm not your mother. aduhai)
"knape kne wat cmni, peliknye bla3"
"eeeiii.. manede org letak tu dlm tu bla3"

hello people.
different people, different cooking style.
it's not like i dont know what i'm doing.
if you don't like it, just keep your mouth shut.
if you want to ask questions, find a better way to ask without sounding like you're criticizing that person.

having other people observing me when i'm cooking usually have a pretty bad effect on:
1. me. haruslah emo yg terkire.
2. the food. will not taste as good as i imagined it should be (dh msk tgh marah.apekah.and terlebey nervous babe)

so there you go.
i'm sorry if i offended anyone,
i just want to clear things up.
for my future housemates (i dont know who laa)
don't come near me when it's my turn to cook!(ade lg ke org nk jd housemate ak pasni?)


(matila nk wat ape kalu mak mentua nk jugk dtg mnyibuk tgk org msk ke ape ke)

ayuh bantu palestin!

Assalammualaikum semua~

Apa khabar? Diharapkan semuanya sihat2 hendaknya 
Dalam kita bergembira menjalani kehidupan di bumi Wellington ini, pernahkah anda terfikir bagaimana pula dengan saudara-saudara kita di Palestin?

Pernahkah anda terfikir untuk membantu saudara-suadara Palestin kita tetapi tidak tahu bagaimana caranya?

Jangan bimbang, kami ada satu cadangan!
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Perumpamaan orang yang menginfakkan hartanya di jalan Allah seperti sebutir biji yang menumbuhkan tujuh tangkai, pada setiap tangkai ada seratus biji. Allah melipatgandakan bagi siapa yang Dia kehendaki, dan Allah Mahaluas, Maha Mengetahui".
(Al-Baqarah: 261)

Ingat ye, barang2 yg disumbangkan akan dilelongkan. So bear in mind, bila nk donate barang2 tu, sila tnya pada diri sendiri ”rase2nye, ade org x nk beli brg2 ak ni?”.
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Atau boleh hubungi :
Ore-021-02343437
Ain Arfah- 021-0379730

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Ayuh sama2 kita bukakan mata melihat Palestin kini, pinjamkan
telinga mendengar mengenai Palestin, ringankan tangan membantu
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Roadshow Palestin.


“Untukmu doa2 kami wahai Al-Aqsho yang mulia dan Palestina yang
tercinta. Kami kan terus bersama mu…”

apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

seriously,
apa khabar iman kamu hari ini?

sejak kebelakangan ni
ak rase
iman ak agk goyah.
oh Tuhan,
ak sgt takut.

while doing my research for the upcoming sociology assignment (wah, cik sha wat assignment awal, yeah rite), i've stumbled upon a sentence, just a sentence, yg mampu menggoyahkan imanku.

'God is a fantasied being upon whom man projected his own highest powers and faculties, who thus is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect'.

sng ckp,
God is created by human.
but because we human has limited abilities, thus, we imagine our God to have all those power that we, mere humans will never have.
mcm Superman.
since normal human being x bole terbang,
kite bayangkan dan reka satu superhero yg bole terbang.
and kite puja and besarkan superhero tu.

ape yg ak blaja so far psl religion,
most of them(Marx, Weber, Durkhiem) view religion as a product,
and as a way to control and maintain social order.
another form of sociol control and oppression.
well, i dont want to go into that part but the phrase i've quoted above mmg menganggu iman ak.

kalau fikir scr logik akal manusia yg limited ni,
bole je ko nk percaya.
Tuhan tu hny ciptaan manusia yg lemah.
kerana manusia tu lemah,maka manusia akn cipta or sembah apa shj yg dianggap lebih superior dr manusia.
mcm org dulu2, yg sembah matahari or sembah pokok yg besar.

ak jd takut.

tadi, ak ke usrah.
ak x tahulah kebetulan atau tidak,
kami belajar pasal tauhid hari ini.

1. Tauhid Rububiyyah
-Keyakinan yang tidak berbelah bahagi bahawa Allah adalah Tuhan, Pemilik dan Pencipta semua perkara dan benda.

2. Tauhid Uluhiyyah
-Yakin bahawa tiada Tuhan selain Allah dan mengesakanNya dengan ibadah.

3. Tauhid al-Asma' wa al-Sifat
-Yakin dan percaya bahawa Allah swt bersifat dgn sifat2 sempurna dan tiada kekurangan. dan tiada makhluk atau sesiapa pun yg memiliki sifat yg sama dgn Allah swt.


Ak rase terkedu apabila sampai part ketiga tu.
x same ke mcm quote ak td tu?
Kita tak boleh samakan sifat Allah dgn sifat manusia.
That was his point exactly, God is seen as perfect and all-powerful, and in contrast to whom man himself appears as limited and imperfect

Ak rasa gusar.
Ak rasa khuatir.
Ak x suke perasaan was-was ak ini.

Ak cuba luahkan kpd ahli2 yg lain td,
mungkin,
mereka x rasa apa yg ak ckp tu penting.
mungkin,
mereka x phm tahap mana kegoyahan imanku td.
mereka ckp, lihat ciptaan alam ni.
lihat manusia.
semua org diciptakan melali proses pembentukan yg sama,
dr percantuman sperm n ovum juga kn,
tp lihat,
hasilnya lain2.
setiap manusia berbeza bukan?
ak tahu.
itu yg ak cuba lakukan.
setiap kali ak goyah ak sentiasa ingatkn diri tentang kekuasaan Allah melalui ciptaanNya, alam dan sekalian isinya.
tp ak masih x puas.

mungkin Tuhan saja mahu uji iman ku.
selama ini, ak mengaji,
tp tanpa tafsir.
kadang2 ayat yg kamu rase sedap apabila dibaca tu sebenarnya membawa berita yg menakutkn.
tentang azab neraka.
tentang hari kiamat.
tp tanpa tafsir,
kamu yg buta bahasa arab ni , ape yg kamu paham?
sekadar mampu ckp, "oh, sdap gk ak ngaji arini.heh"

Alhamdulillah,
hari ini, ak dihadiahkan senaskah tafsir al-Quran oleh W.
apabila ak pulang dari usrah td,
ak masih x puas.
ak mahu jawapan.
(kamu selalu dgr cite ni dr saudara2 mualaf kite kn?)
ak buka tafsir.
ak decide nk baca surah 35, al-Fatir kerana surah tu membawa maksud pencipta.
ayat ketiga sahaja sudah cukup utk menenangkan ak:
wahai manusia!ingatlah akan nikmat Allah kepadamu. adakah pencipta selain Allah yang dapat memberi rezeki kepadamu dari langit dan bumi? tidak ada Tuhan selain Dia; maka mengapa kamu berpaling (dari ketauhidan)?

Ya Allah,
ampunkna dosa2 ak.

mungkin ak riak.
mungkin ak sombong.
sampai ak x nmpak nikmat2 Allah.
smpai ak lupa dgn kekuasaan dan kebesaran Allah.
mungkin ak terlalu taksub dgn bhn bacaan ak.
apalah sgt,
hasil tulisan manusia2,
yg dianggap cerdik pandai,
yg dianugerahkna pemikran yg terhad ini.
manunusia yg x berkuasa pn utk mencipta langit dan bumi ini berbanding dgn ayat2 al- Quran?

ak takut,
berapa ramai di antara kita, yg benar2 beriman dgn sepenuh hati ?
yg benar2 mengesakan kebesaran Allah?
yg berlumba2 ,engerjakan ibdaha tanda cinta dan taat kepada Allah?
berapa ramai pula yg terlepas sembahyang subuh pn dh x rasa bersalah sbb dh slalu sgt?
berapa ramai yg mahu enjoy kt dunia ni puas2 in case God doesnt show?
berapa ramai pula yg memang x percaya dgn kewujudan Tuhan kerana menganggap Tuhan itu sadistic kerana org2 yg ingkar dgn suruhan Tuhan akan dikenakn hukuman berat. mereka merasakn Tuhan itu kejam pula.sedangkan nikmat yg Tuhan kurniakn selama ini punyalah x terkira, yg tu mereka x nampak.


manusia.
kecil.
bongkak.
lalai.
bodoh.

you

just so you know,
i'm fine without you.

getting over you was tough.
but not anymore.


not anymore.

sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand

Hi there
i'm supposed to be doing my assignment right now
but of course
updating this blog seems much more appealing than that (as usual)

so what's up?
apa khabar iman kalian hari ini dear avid readers of my blog? (oh plz, like there's any -_-)

it's been a week that i've started working as an after school care programme assistant.
the job is pretty cool
fit for a teacher-to-be.
at least, i can apply or relate whatever teaching skills i've been learning for the past two years.
anak mat saleh n anak melayu laen.
the way they treat the children are also different.
different cultural norms and values.
that's the difficult part.
but hey, i have to learn to get over it.
expand my horizon.
open up my mind.

but working,
gets me to think.
that i don't think i'm ready to hold such big responsibilities.
i've worked before.
but my previous works allow me to screw up.
it wont have any effects on anyone whatsoever.
but if i screwed up this job,
a kid might get hurt, the company can go kaput etc.

truth to be told,
i'm not ready for any of that stuff.
the same goes for my fear for my future profession
what will happen to my students if i dont performed well?
what will happen to the future generation?
what will happen to the country?
as i've mentioned before, practical and theories are two different things.
i am well aware that i'm not good at explaining stuff to others.
can i be a good teacher then?
i doubt it.

enough about that.

working also gets you to think about time management.
so far, i think i'm more organized now (it's too early to tell)
but it also get me to think about others who can't wait to get married.
cmon guys, seriously?
do you think you can handle all that responsibilities and pressure?
marriage is not just about nk mneghindari maksiat or nk menghalalkn yg haram.
yes, nk bina keluarga yg baik. tp mampukah dan bersediakah anda?

currently, we're just a bunch of uni students who have all the time in the world to laze around, watching movies, go shopping etc.

but when you're home from work,
you feel tired
your body aches
you feel hungry
all you can think about is to shower, get something to eat, watch the tv a bit and called it a day.
it might be easier to do that if you're a guy.
if you're a woman, a wife,
despite yourself,
you have to cook and clean,
you have to spend time with your children etc(kata nk bina keluarga yg baik kn?)
i know, i know,
your spouse can share the chores with you
but it's not the same.

frankly, i am selfish if i said so myself.
i want to have time for my own.
to rest and relax,
to pamper and indulge myself.
(and i think the ever increasing divorce rate is due to the very limited time they have to themselves. which leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction)

you're definitely cannot do that if you are working + married with children.
unless you have a bibik-which-i-dont-like-but-might-have-to-get-one-anyway-someday.

hey, i'm not against marriage.
i do wish to get married someday.
with the right person.
but not now.

definitely not in the near future.

call me a commitment-phobic.
i think i am.

(okay, this entry is waaayyy off topic. i just want to ramble about my job actually)


Quote of the day:
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

Today I am grateful for...
my new job. i honestly don't know how long it will lasts. hopefully i am strong and good enough to staythere fora while. i always complain that i dont have enough money and i need a job desperately. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for this rezeki. the job is not as easy as it sounds but what's life without hardships? semoga tidak lalai..