Out with the old, in with the new

Without me realizing it,
I have been working at this college for almost one year.
5 days from now will be my one year annivessary of becoming a lecturer,
of leaving the place where I truly found the joy in teaching.

And for the coming years, the record will state that I have only been working in Muadzam for one year.
The rest of my professional teaching years will be here, in Kuantan.
That's the reality that I've been trying hard to ignore.

I guess I'm still living in the past,
constantly comparing my old teaching environment and my current on.

But recently, I just realized that it was only me who hadn't moved on
I'm not that significant to them anymore
The students have ceased to keep in touch with me
I just realized that I didn't even know what happened to my homeroom babies anymore (it was fun meeting them last week though. they remind me that I used to love be around my students so much. haha)

I received the wake up call today.
As part of my bloody postgrad assignment, I had to create a test and run the test.
Since my college is on semester break, I asked my friend in Muadzam to run the test for me for her form 4 students.
Those Form 4 students used to be my precious babies. I was in charge of them since they were in Form 2. I also taught some of them while they were in Form 1.
I dedicated half of last year for them, for their PMR preparation. I knew every single one of them.

So the answer scripts arrived from Muadzam arrived today.
while looking through the scripts, I just realized that out of 30 students, I only know 10 of them.
The rest are new students. which I have no connection at all.
And that hit me hard.
Man, that blows.
Knowing that my own students have moved on, to different schools, while I'm still clinging on the past.

I guess nowis a good time to start over.
I'm starting to feel more comfortable at my current teaching place anyway.
I should just accept my new students as who they are.
I need to shift my perspectives.
In the end, it doesn't matter who I get to teach right?
As long as I still get to do what I enjoy doing, teaching.
and less workload. yeah, let's focus on that shall we?

I am grateful that I still get to teach.
that I still have a job.
that my job allows me to have some spare time to further my studies.
that my job allows me to stay with my family
Alhamdulillah.

Yosh! Let's start the new semester with new spirit!!!

being a uni student round 2

Round 2 same old study. I am still the master of procrastination. Master. geddit? haha

I didn't know that it's going be this hard.
 I simply assumed that by enrolling in a private university means things are "easier'.
 Wake up and smell the fear sister!
I am so lost right now, I feel like giving up.
Heck, I've been wanting to give up since Day 1. It's just not the same.
Studying while working is a serious challenge. on top of that, you're totally on your own. There's no friends that can support you and help you out when you're lost. I miss life in wellington.

Things are really hard right now.
Prolly coz i didn't really want to further my studies in the first place.
I am perfectly happy and proud of my degree thank you very much But I still have to get my masters degree if I want to continue teaching at the college where I didn't even enjoy teaching. What to do what to do.

 When I enrolled in this course, I promised myself that things will changed.
 That I'll be more organised.
That I won't do last minute work again.
Coz I paid for the fees myself!!!
Seeing your hard earned money gone like that... I wanted to get A+ in all my papers!
Gila Putting too much pressure on yourself until it becomes too unbearable to handle that I decided to run away and hide
 So here we are right now
Cold feet
Cold sweat
 Still procrastinating
 It's really hard coz I just can't focus solely on doing my assignments
There's family matter that I need to attend to
 There's the matter of the heart that I need to pay attention to
There's also all my whims and useless 'needs'
 AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
I really don't know how to do this assignment!!!!

Going through a rough patch

Look what I've found

Hehehe ❤️

kesibukan itu satu nikmat

you know how we often complain whenever we are super busy and have no time for ourselves? 

being swamped with work and barely have time to even eat? 

and we always complain that we're tired, have eyebags, no time to enjoy bla2... but I just realized that being busy is actually a blessing from the Almighty 

 Last week, my mom went for her first checkup, 3 months after she had completed her Herceptin treatment. 

I was so busy, she had to go to the hospital all by herself. 

There, they discovered that she has a big lump in her right breast.

 She didn't get the full result of her checkup until today. 

 You see, normally I would be worried sick and crying buckets after receiving the news, just like when she was diagnosed with cancer last year. 

Man, I cried my eyes out every night kot. However, for the past weeks (especially last week) I've been working like crazy.

 I just recently became a warden and it is a nightmare. 

 The thing is, because I was too busy with work, that left me with less time to worry. 

It's not that I don't care about my mom, I was just too busy to spend the little time and energy I had to be unhappy. 

 So the result was out earlier today. Alhamdulillah, the lump is benign. 

I couldn't be happier. 

 Alhamdulillah, because of my sudden hectic schedule, I did not worry. 

I did not get sad. 

God was kind to bless me with the workload so that I could still sleep at night because I was too tired to worry. God was merciful to bless with limited time for myself so that I could spend that time being happy. 

Alhamdulillah. 

Thank you Allah. 

 Thank you Allah for the good news. 

I just don't think that I have the strength to go through that grim and terrible ordeal again....

teaching is a work of heart

Last week, I went back to visit my form 3 kids in Muadzam Shah.
Much to my surprise, since they didn't know that I was coming until they saw my car in the school compound,
they greeted me with a perfomance!
I was so touched by their gesture. The whole batch gathered and delayed their outing and stuff to meet me.
I questioned myself, what did I do to deserve all this?

 The Xylomix- cool dudes with wicked dance moves and incredibly fluent in English of course ;)
A teacher is not supposed to have favourites but yeah, they're my favourites ;)

my  favourite girls. my first batch of girls when I started teaching back in my practicum heydays. It's interesting to see how  they have blossomed into fine ladies.

my homeroom babies. they even bought a cake for me eventhough I was a horrible mother to them. haha

truth to be told,
a short visit to muadzam is just what i needed.
I was feeling really down at my new workplace.
I had a hard time to adapt.
I did not enjoy teaching there at all.
At times, I feel like I want to quit and just give up teaching.
It took a lot of me  to teach a bunch of students who didn't even want to learn, who are just there to waste their time because their parents sent them there.
It was a struggle to teach a group of young adults who should have at least some basic English after 11 years of learning in school.
I felt like I was in a battlefield each time I enter a class full of students who didn't even know the difference between "he" and "she", "his" and "her". seriously, they're THAT bad.

But then again, that is my role as a teacher.
To provide them with knowledge, and to guide them.
To EDUCATE regardless of race, gender, and learning abilities.

The visit to Muadzam reminds me of who I inspired to be back when I was still a student-teacher.
M*** Muadzam Shah has a special place in my heart ; a place where I truly enjoy being surrounded with kids,
where I truly enjoyed being in class
where I feel fulfilled.


don't get me wrong.
the workload was no joke. it was hell.
but I really enjoyed doing the most important thing there- teaching.

Yeah, so from that short visit,  I learned to put my prejudices aside.
My new students (and future students) may not be as brilliant as my old students (heh. I never appreciate how brilliant they were before. After seeing the world outside, I realized that they are indeed, a brilliant bunch),
but my new students deserve as much (perhaps more) attention, and love, and care like I used to give.

anyhoo,
just in case I lost the pictures in the future
Here's some reminder, that a teacher has an impact on the students.
So Sha, stop complaining, stop being lazy and play your role well.

The Most Cheerful Teacher Award- I have been tested with tremendous hardship by The Almighty, but I found solace  and happiness in the classroom :)

 301 <3 i="">

 306 <3 i="">

 The Form 3 boys during my farewell party

 My class, 402 <3 i="">

 My final day in school, in front of my own class :D

Thoughtful gifts from the kids. Some of the kids whom I taught last year found out about my departure the very last minute. They had no time to buy gifts but still wanted to give me something. So in the end, they just wrapped up  whatever they have: maggi, biscuits, sweets.

 It was really cute. hehe

last but not least, THIS

funny, funny life

life is funny, isn't it?

you used to be one of the top students in school

everyone knows you

they had great expectations on you

and here you are

stuck in a 8-5 job with minimum pay

what happened to the countless nameless girls?

who never stands out in class?

they're doing their PhDs

travelling the world

buying houses and fancy cars

life is funny, isn't it?

money has never been such an issue before

but here you are

always think twice and keep on postponing

on getting a freaking HAIRCUT

life is funny, isn't it?

you used to dream big

being so ambitious

wanting to spread your wings and fly

and now, here you are

able to have a dreamless sleep is good enough

life is funny, isn't it?

you used to play hard to get

ignoring those who adore you

you think you'll get what you want

whenever you want it

and now, here you are

clinging in desperation

begging for attention

while others who are just not as pretty

are married happily 

life is funny, isn't it?

i know i should be grateful with what i have

i know i should not compare myself with others

but isn't life funny?