acceptance

I think it's time for me to come out and face the world with the truth
I've been spending too much time hiding and avoiding reality
I've been carrying too much burden keeping this by myself
It's not helping me in any way
and simply put, I'm tired.

My mom has stage 3 breast cancer.


There you go.
I said it.

I was away from home for a week to have fun with my friends
The rest of the week that followed were full with tears.

I accept the fact that my mum is sick.
But it pains me everytime I think of my poor little siblings.
Who's going to take care of them?
What if I get postedfor work  far away from the family?
What's gonna happen to them?
Are they gonna be ok?

I hope they will be fine.
I really hope that everything will be fine.
There are times when I find myself up in the middle of the night, wishing that everything has been just a dream.
A terrifying dream.
A horrible dream.
Nonetheless, a dream.
But unfortunately it's not a dream.
I have no choice left but to move forward.
And pick up all the little pieces that has been left behind.

Alhamdulillah,
eventhough we had our hopes a little bit too high in the beginning  only to get them crushed mercilessly over and over again,
my Mom has been doing really well.
That lady is such a strong woman.
She never shed a tear when she found out that she has cancer (while i had been crying my eyes out every night).
She had her left breast completely removed and had been through her first chemo session,
but she never let the illness to be the reason for her to just lay down and play the pity card.
She never complained or even appear to be sad about it.
She still can't lift heavy stuff yet as a result from her surgery, but she still resume her life as "normal" as she could.
she never spend her day laying down and asking people to do this and that for her.
no,no, not her.
she has little children that need her and she's determined to fight back the cancer for them.
she's an  amazing woman.

I,on the other hand, still trying my best to be the supportive daughter.
Most importantly, I'm still learning to control my emotions.
When there's so many changes happening in your life, it's not hard to lose your own sense of self.

Eventhough it has been almost 2 months since we received the news, I'm still learning to cope with it.
Everyday.