Thursday, June 26, 2014
Out with the old, in with the new
Without me realizing it,
I have been working at this college for almost one year.
5 days from now will be my one year annivessary of becoming a lecturer,
of leaving the place where I truly found the joy in teaching.
And for the coming years, the record will state that I have only been working in Muadzam for one year.
The rest of my professional teaching years will be here, in Kuantan.
That's the reality that I've been trying hard to ignore.
I guess I'm still living in the past,
constantly comparing my old teaching environment and my current on.
But recently, I just realized that it was only me who hadn't moved on
I'm not that significant to them anymore
The students have ceased to keep in touch with me
I just realized that I didn't even know what happened to my homeroom babies anymore (it was fun meeting them last week though. they remind me that I used to love be around my students so much. haha)
I received the wake up call today.
As part of my bloody postgrad assignment, I had to create a test and run the test.
Since my college is on semester break, I asked my friend in Muadzam to run the test for me for her form 4 students.
Those Form 4 students used to be my precious babies. I was in charge of them since they were in Form 2. I also taught some of them while they were in Form 1.
I dedicated half of last year for them, for their PMR preparation. I knew every single one of them.
So the answer scripts arrived from Muadzam arrived today.
while looking through the scripts, I just realized that out of 30 students, I only know 10 of them.
The rest are new students. which I have no connection at all.
And that hit me hard.
Man, that blows.
Knowing that my own students have moved on, to different schools, while I'm still clinging on the past.
I guess nowis a good time to start over.
I'm starting to feel more comfortable at my current teaching place anyway.
I should just accept my new students as who they are.
I need to shift my perspectives.
In the end, it doesn't matter who I get to teach right?
As long as I still get to do what I enjoy doing, teaching.
and less workload. yeah, let's focus on that shall we?
I am grateful that I still get to teach.
that I still have a job.
that my job allows me to have some spare time to further my studies.
that my job allows me to stay with my family
Alhamdulillah.
Yosh! Let's start the new semester with new spirit!!!
I have been working at this college for almost one year.
5 days from now will be my one year annivessary of becoming a lecturer,
of leaving the place where I truly found the joy in teaching.
And for the coming years, the record will state that I have only been working in Muadzam for one year.
The rest of my professional teaching years will be here, in Kuantan.
That's the reality that I've been trying hard to ignore.
I guess I'm still living in the past,
constantly comparing my old teaching environment and my current on.
But recently, I just realized that it was only me who hadn't moved on
I'm not that significant to them anymore
The students have ceased to keep in touch with me
I just realized that I didn't even know what happened to my homeroom babies anymore (it was fun meeting them last week though. they remind me that I used to love be around my students so much. haha)
I received the wake up call today.
As part of my bloody postgrad assignment, I had to create a test and run the test.
Since my college is on semester break, I asked my friend in Muadzam to run the test for me for her form 4 students.
Those Form 4 students used to be my precious babies. I was in charge of them since they were in Form 2. I also taught some of them while they were in Form 1.
I dedicated half of last year for them, for their PMR preparation. I knew every single one of them.
So the answer scripts arrived from Muadzam arrived today.
while looking through the scripts, I just realized that out of 30 students, I only know 10 of them.
The rest are new students. which I have no connection at all.
And that hit me hard.
Man, that blows.
Knowing that my own students have moved on, to different schools, while I'm still clinging on the past.
I guess nowis a good time to start over.
I'm starting to feel more comfortable at my current teaching place anyway.
I should just accept my new students as who they are.
I need to shift my perspectives.
In the end, it doesn't matter who I get to teach right?
As long as I still get to do what I enjoy doing, teaching.
and less workload. yeah, let's focus on that shall we?
I am grateful that I still get to teach.
that I still have a job.
that my job allows me to have some spare time to further my studies.
that my job allows me to stay with my family
Alhamdulillah.
Yosh! Let's start the new semester with new spirit!!!
Thursday, June 19, 2014
being a uni student round 2
Round 2 same old study. I am still the master of procrastination. Master. geddit? haha
I didn't know that it's going be this hard.
I simply assumed that by enrolling in a private university means things are "easier'.
Wake up and smell the fear sister!
I am so lost right now, I feel like giving up.
Heck, I've been wanting to give up since Day 1. It's just not the same.
Studying while working is a serious challenge. on top of that, you're totally on your own. There's no friends that can support you and help you out when you're lost. I miss life in wellington.
Things are really hard right now.
Prolly coz i didn't really want to further my studies in the first place.
I am perfectly happy and proud of my degree thank you very much But I still have to get my masters degree if I want to continue teaching at the college where I didn't even enjoy teaching. What to do what to do.
When I enrolled in this course, I promised myself that things will changed.
That I'll be more organised.
That I won't do last minute work again.
Coz I paid for the fees myself!!!
Seeing your hard earned money gone like that... I wanted to get A+ in all my papers!
Gila Putting too much pressure on yourself until it becomes too unbearable to handle that I decided to run away and hide
So here we are right now
Cold feet
Cold sweat
Still procrastinating
It's really hard coz I just can't focus solely on doing my assignments
There's family matter that I need to attend to
There's the matter of the heart that I need to pay attention to
There's also all my whims and useless 'needs'
AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
I really don't know how to do this assignment!!!!
I simply assumed that by enrolling in a private university means things are "easier'.
Wake up and smell the fear sister!
I am so lost right now, I feel like giving up.
Heck, I've been wanting to give up since Day 1. It's just not the same.
Studying while working is a serious challenge. on top of that, you're totally on your own. There's no friends that can support you and help you out when you're lost. I miss life in wellington.
Things are really hard right now.
Prolly coz i didn't really want to further my studies in the first place.
I am perfectly happy and proud of my degree thank you very much But I still have to get my masters degree if I want to continue teaching at the college where I didn't even enjoy teaching. What to do what to do.
When I enrolled in this course, I promised myself that things will changed.
That I'll be more organised.
That I won't do last minute work again.
Coz I paid for the fees myself!!!
Seeing your hard earned money gone like that... I wanted to get A+ in all my papers!
Gila Putting too much pressure on yourself until it becomes too unbearable to handle that I decided to run away and hide
So here we are right now
Cold feet
Cold sweat
Still procrastinating
It's really hard coz I just can't focus solely on doing my assignments
There's family matter that I need to attend to
There's the matter of the heart that I need to pay attention to
There's also all my whims and useless 'needs'
AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
I really don't know how to do this assignment!!!!
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