when you bid the world goodbye...

I know i'm supposed to be in bed right now to prepare myself for the journey tomorrow but I'm too disturbed to even close my eyes for a moment.
My housemate's mom just passed away earlier today.
It was unexpected. but then again, nobody can predict when they will die, even the sickly ones.
Though I have a few friends whom their parents just passed away, this one is different. Usually, I wasnt there when they received the news.
but today was different.
the girl was in the room next to mine.
I could hear her cries.
I could hear her wails.
It was heartbreaking.
and i can do nothing nor say anything.
nothing.

death
is inevitable
we all will die
sooner or later
there's nothing you can do to prevent it
no matter how "powerful" you are,
you will die.
you may tae all the suplements or the anti-ageing or whatever it is that may lasts you longer
but hey,
who says that you will only die when you are old?
you can be 12 years old and collapsed and die in a matter of seconds.
Only Allah knows.

death.
death.
death
disturbs me in so many ways:

1. the unpredictable nature of death itself is frightening. what if i'm gonna die soon? what if my family members will leave me soon? am i strong enough to face the challenge? will i be able to maintain my sanity? how will I die? am I able to say the syahadah before I die?

2.life in the hereafter scares me the most. are we ever prepared to meet The Creator?

3. how will you comfort a person who just lost her beloved ones? what is the right thing to say to her? what can you do to help her (if she needed to be helped). how will you face her? what tone should you use? what body language should you expressed?
argh. it was so frustrating. what ever that I have learned during counselling classes seemed so pointless today.
theories went down the drain. this is a real life situation. what can you actually do??
i was pretty upset with myself for being too afraid to face the housemate. i was so scared that i might hurt her even more (we were never close to begin with). so i avoided her. silly me. all i could do is to prepare the refreshments for the tahlil session as a gesture that I do care, but I could do nothing to comfort her.


May Allah rest her mom's soul in peace. Amin.