reflection of the future

so it's already april
we have more or less 11 weeks to go before leaving this wonderful place

the question, am i prepared to go back and teach?
frankly, the answer is no.

I don't think I've done enough practices/fieldwork that help to build my self confidence.
urgh

yesterday, i taught a whole bunch of esol students
it was ok
it wan't fantastic or remarkable or life changing or anything like that
i must say that it went well
i may need to have more practical time management but overall it was ok

however
i noticed that the lessons were kind of successful due to the well planned activities(chewah.yakin tu)
but not because of my teaching

the thing is
i don't think i'm great at teaching
idon't know howto explain things clearly
i may have the knowledge but i don't think i have the ability to transmit the knowledge CLEARLY
coz let's face it,
i'm terrible during teacher-centred practices
i suck at explaining
i suck at giving instructions
i suck at summarizing the whole lessons
in short, i suck whenever i was the centre of attention
whenever i was the only person talking in the class

i wasn't nervous or anything
ok. i lied. i was nervous
but i have realized that i suck at explaining aeons ago

sheesh(and i want to be a teacher? a teacher who doesn't know how to teach?)

on the other hand
it's really good that we've been encouraged to use more learner-centred approaches
coz they help to minimize my teaching time
the only downside is having to plan interesting and relevant activities as much as you could
so yeah,
i'm definitely going to use that jigsaw thingy, that reciprocal reading thingy and blablabla
coz i find myself better when attending small groups rather than the whole class.

and that's just one aspect of the profession that i need to be worried about

there's a whole lot more but let's not worry bout that for now.

i'm really thankful for having a wonderful Associate Teacher this time

she's so carefree and nice

eventhough i don't think i did a wonderful job

she's very supportive and give really good feedbacks

she even offered us to be one of her teacher aides which would be a wonderful opportunity for us to practice and developing our skills

oh well, looking forward to another lesson next week!

hopefully it'll get better somehow ^^